Saturday, April 2, 2011

the quiet game

"You're being so quiet." Molly mentioned to Tess, days later. "Are you all right?"

"What's wrong with being quiet?" There was no need to be the center of attention when the number one priority seemed to be the baby right now. "Things are fine."

"But you seem distant. Why? Don't you like babies?" Molly cornered her in the breakroom.

Tess hesitated. She hugged herself then. She wanted to turn it all around. Question Molly about how she felt about baby Dez. Could she actually handle it?

"I suppose." Tess shrugged. She just never thought of having a home-life like that. It was one to be watched on TV in thirty minute intervals. Not this, not being awaken at two in the morning, just to bump into each other about who was feeding the infant. "It takes some getting used to." Couldn't she have some time to getting used too?

"But Puck, he's..." Molly couldn't help but smile. "He's in love with that baby. Its just a matter of time. He wants one."

Tess gave her a hard look. As if she hadn't noticed. She sighed then. She didn't want to talk about this. It was as if it was demanded of her now.

"Well, first comes marriage, you know." Tess informed Molly. "I want to be married, first. See if we .." She didn't know what she wanted to see.

A part of her felt as if she were clay and he'd molded her into something she was certainly not. But she didn't want to look back. There was nothing there that wanted her. And she could only see a part of herself playing the part. What if she couldn't do it? What if he figured out, how damaged she was? Then what? Tess didn't want to be sucked into hopelessness.

There was the factor of thinking they needed to be alone. To work toward whatever it was they were working toward. A life together. Of course, it had been her idea for him to take in Sal and Molly. Seriously, she felt as if were leading a double life. But that other one was dead. And she couldn't let those ghosts haunt her. She couldn't let Puck down now.

10 comments:

lucy and sarah said...

Tess, I feel so bad for her, but I think she's a survivor too.

a book of short stories said...

I hope she'll have faith in Puck.

ivy's closet said...

I feel so sad for her, sometimes..

ellie's desk said...

I hope she will be happy with her.

Bex said...

She's lucky to have him.

Syed said...

I hope she'll be ok. The pressure is there, but a lot of it is still sort of in her head I guess.

Cafe Fashionista said...

There are times when Tess makes my heart break - she is such a trooper! :)

meg said...

Tess just can't look back..just go forward.

Cait said...

I soooo love Tess. I hope she and Puck stay together.

She is Sara said...

Tess is awesome. I love that she is giving herself mental pep-talks :)