Sunday, August 28, 2011

more like a dream

Michelle was trying her best to go it alone. There was Kramer to lean on, but since he wasn't really family, she hated to depend on him so much. Still, he was the one who found her the little place to live. A safe place, according to him. And..the job.

It didn't help that she never finished high school. She'd been a runaway, for awhile. During her parents breakup. She couldn't stand to see if fall apart, and she might still be on the run. Michelle came back when her Dad committed suicide.

There were a lot of ugly things in her family. Her brother got shot by one of ex-boyfriends. It went down as an accident, but she knew the truth, even if the evidence said otherwise. One more thing that was never the same with her mother.

But it all went back to Sal. There was no one quite like first love. No way had she wanted to duplicate it. But was it enough? Never had been. Michelle needed to better self. No way could Sal afford it. He could barely get by, as it was. Perhaps he just didn't believe in himself. She was sure that nog of his was capable. Sal was such a slacker.

Still Michelle was certain of it, her life went in a circle. There she was without nothing, again. It was going to be better this time. She promised. OK, she promised Kramer, who'd gone out of his way to get her back on solid ground. No need to bring herself down about the lies and being the worst widow ever.

Had she ever really felt anything for Nathan? He was a football player, but never got a scholarship. Really, he was lousy in bed. He could get abusive. She wanted to blame this all on him. If he'd only been what she'd expected then..then things would have been different.

Michelle did her best not to dwell on it. Yes, she'd made enemies. In the end she'd certainly made Sal hate her more. Yet she was the one who lost everything. She supposed she deserved this hurt that pulsed through her..even now.

But here she was..with Dax. Of course, she promised Kramer she'd be careful around him. At the moment Dax was the only one who seemed to care. Kramer was busy trying to get his family back, and she had a feeling Kramer needed to stay away from her. Probably for good.

"I'm waiting to see if can be in the BIG SISTER program." She found herself telling Dax now, after the movie. "Do you like children?"

"Hadn't thought about-" He couldn't even say the word children.

"There is this little girl." Immediately tears came to Michelle's eyes. She hoped she didn't go weepy, but she felt that way everytime she thought of Hannah. "She's in foster care. She's from Ethiopia. Her Mom died." A lump lodged in her throat, full of grief. "She's so adorable. I saw her at the library. I don't like the way that foster Mom treats her. She treats her like..like she's mental. But she's not. She's really smart." Of course, Michelle wondered what sort of difference she could make in an eight year old's life. First of all she'd do something to that matty hair of Hannah's. Seriously, the foster mother had too many to take care of, or maybe hair just wasn't important to her. "I helped her read a couple of times at the library." She'd visit the library every Tuesday evening when the mother brought the children in. It was beginning to be a regular thing. "Anyway, her foster mom said I could take Hannah out if..if I got in the Big Sister organization." Of course, it felt like an eternity, waiting for approval. But at least it was a dream..maybe..if things got better..Hannah could come to live with her.

6 comments:

lucy and sarah said...

So bitter sweet. Maybe she's on the right track.

Holly said...

Michelle sounds like her life was messed up way before Sal was in the picture.

ivy said...

I do feel sad for Michelle..who's been through a lot.

meg said...

Michelle sounds as if she's got a lot to deal with. Glad she wants to help Hannah.

Cafe Fashionista said...

I hope she's on the right path now. :)

She is Sara said...

Aww, Michelle seems like a really good person!