how it is

refraining from the force

2012-01-22T06:57:00.000-06:00

"Are you listening to yourself! Seriously?" Puck was getting aggravated with Sal by the minute. They were home alone. Sort of. There was Dez kicking like a wild boy in his infant seat on the kitchen table. Watching the two of them try to whip supper into shape. Sal was chopping and Dez the baby was grinning from ear to ear, watching Sal then Puck, who was peeling potatoes.

For a second, Puck looked over at Dez and wondered if Dez knew his real father. Puck did spend a lot of time with the infant, who was growing like a weed and couldn't wait to get out of his infant seat. He would love to squirm on the floor like an inch worm, but it was best not to have him under their feet. And it was cold. Too cold for an infant to be on a floor. But it would be just awful to have kept him in the crib, because Dez wanted to be anywhere they were.

"Don't even think about it." Puck looked at Sal, pointing the potato peeler at him. "Repeat after me..."

"What?" Sal made a face of disgust and went back to his onion.

"Swear to me, that you will put it out of your mind about starting up a family with Molly, right now. You have to wait." Puck thought perhaps Sal had a bad case of winter cabin fever. He needed to snap out of it. "You have more than enough."

"You're right. I do." Sal acted as if he might be sick of himself too. "But, look at me, I didn't even gain any baby fat." He was a wiry weasel. Perhaps a pesky ferret who couldn't stop moving in the kitchen.

"Oh, God..." Puck let slip as he rolled his eyes at that. "You are hopeless. Think about Molly, will you?"

"I am. I really ..really I am." Sal winced as if he didn't see the problem.

"Look, you..you have to get this one old enough..where he can appreciate being a brother. Have you thought of that?" Puck wanted Sal to think awful hard on this New Years resolution of his. He looked back at Dez, thinking he would try to save this child from being another Sal. Just how in the world, did Sal get this way? Sal was a hyper imp, with only one thing on his mind. And it didn't bare repeating.

Puck heard the things Sal said to Molly late at night.

"You are not a kid, anymore, Sal." Puck sighed. "Those things you think you say are sexy, are not remotely ..even..not even cute. So stop it." Puck gave him a seriously look as he waited for Sal to start pan frying the celery and onions. He went to open the vegetable soup stock and chickpeas for the vegetarian soup. "You have to respect, Molly. Believe me, I don't think there is any other woman out there who would have stuck with you, as long as she has."

Sal was quiet then. It was as if Puck stabbed him in his soul. Sal let Puck take over. Sal went to get the baby. He held him so he could watch Puck. It was pretty clear. Dez knew who his Dad was. He pulled at the hairs on his arms with pleasure and drooled in happiness.

as if

2012-01-15T06:57:00.000-06:00

"Why did we pick this movie, again?" Sal winced as he dug into the buttery popcorn. Yes, he knew why he was here. He'd missed the popcorn so. He knew Molly did her best to have him on Smart Balance. But did that mean he'd have high blood pressure, if he didn't? And if he did, did that mean if he took something for his blood pressure... that would mean... no sex life.

He knew someone from work who said this was true. The guy wasn't even thirty, on blood pressure meds and no sex drive.

Sal looked at Molly. Well, there was one thing really important to him this year. Get Molly pregnant. Actually, it was just the sex he wanted. But there was a purpose in mind. Sort of.

"What are you doing?" She looked at him suspicious, as if she could read his mind. He popped a kernel of popcorn in her mouth.

"Nothing." He grinned from ear to ear. He felt a little laugh as if he knew the key to their problem. If they had a baby, then she'd stop being so bugged about this old thing that clung on to him like a wet wash cloth that became his second skin. Dez and his mother, who didn't even want to see Dez. Must he remind Molly a millionth time?

Of course, the only mother Dez knew of ..was Molly, and she was reluctant in the beginning, but she was warming up. Said his eyes were like Sal's and that hair. Oh, she loved that messy hair of Dez's. Of course, his curly stuff fell out and straight shocks of dark hair came in making him look as if he had a baby Mohawk of some kind. You couldn't find a cuter cooler baby as far as Sal was concerned.

Now thoughts of a baby girl filled his dreams. She'd look just like Molly. Wouldn't look a thing like him. Then, they'd have their two. They'd be set. It was his uncanny resolution this year. Yes, he wanted it to happen. And this was the month to do it.

Oh, he was excited. Perhaps, he was almost a weasel about it. Always finding everything so romantic at every turn. He'd nibble on her ear, right now during the previews.

Molly sighed. She was tired. He knew it before she even said it. He sucked on the big fat drink they were sharing.

He knew he was getting on her nerves.

OK, he was going to recoil that thought about the baby. He needed to make more money. He'd take a second job. He'd invest. He would save money. That was the ticket. That would make her love him more.

Sal sighed as he put his arm around her. The horror film in 3D was about to start. They needed to put on their shades and be ready to be freaked. Sal smiled and she hugged him close, already. Naw, he really liked his first idea. He was going with that one.

ruts that keep haunting

2012-01-08T01:56:00.041-06:00

"Look, I have no idea what's on your mind, and I work with you, everyday." Molly sighed when Tess mentioned how Puck wanted her to decide on a wedding date. Molly was in her nerdiest black rimmed glasses, and she was in a new outfit that she'd found at Good Will. The yellow sweater really made the muted green dress pop. She looked like spring.

"You're my best friend...and..and.." Tess turned around to see someone waiting at the counter to be waited on at the circ desk. Yes, it was the wrong time to bring it up. Still Tess wished Molly felt she was her best friend. She thought she was Molly's best friend because Molly told her practically everything. Even more than she ever wanted to know about Sal.

"You are my very best friend, you know." Tess really couldn't think of anyone else she talked to. Tess went back to the conversation once the patron left. Of course, she wasn't dressed quite as perky Molly. Tess wore her run of the meal black pants, black sweater and black ballet flats. Maybe she need Molly to dress her on one of these thrifting adventures.

There was Puck who was her best friend too. Did she talk to him more than Molly?

"But..but you're so secretive." Molly said from her desk as she went to look on the computer screen as if she were doing something important on the computer, when actually it was to see when the last matinee was. Tess and Puck said they'd babysit this evening. "I dunno whats going on in your head. You never even told me..what was going on between you and Dax. And..and he was treating me horrible, here at work."

"Precisely." Tess eyeballed her as she hugged herself. Didn't she see why she never brought him up? It was like she was sleeping with the enemy back then.

"What did you ever see in him?" Molly eyeballed her right back.

Tess swelled with emotion as if she could hardly hear Molly's question. She saw a little boy standing in front of the children's new books. Tess instantly went to help him choose the right book. Really, did they have to discuss this, the Dax problem. Well, they weren't ever going to talk about Dax at home.

"Look...I dunno what I saw in him." Really, it was that simple. Tess said once she got back from her escape with the seven year old, who was nerdy and sweet with his Harry Potter glasses. Why hadn't she ever been smitten by that kind of guy growing up? Tess was mad at herself. Perhaps her own worst enemy.

"Tess, I think you've changed." Molly said it like a breath of fresh air. "I'm sorry ..I..I even brought up, you know, who." Molly smiled as if she were back to being the best friend in the world. "I believe you and Puck can make it work. You've grown up a lot, this past year. And together, you two are gonna be great together."

Tess wanted to believe her. She really did, but what if..what if somebody like Dax showed up and came into her life, again?

not quite on recyle

2012-01-01T01:56:00.040-06:00

Puck read in the paper about someone getting married. But he didn't mention it to Tess. Wasn't their problem. It was behind them. The future was their's and it was a New Year.

"OK, what we must do is figure this out." He poured champagne in their new wine glasses that Molly got them for Christmas. They were in their room. Alone. They'd just watched THE SWITCH in bed. It was a good laugh. And he was glad they hadn't gone out. After all, Tess's feet hurt from her day at the library. She had off Sunday and Monday, but she'd had to work the Saturday, New Year's Eve. She'd been on her feet all day so he brought her French toast and strawberries in bed with lots of whip cream. And that's where they'd stayed. It was like their little oasis. And now it was time to ring in the new year.

"Figure what out?" Tess looked as if she'd lost him.

"You know. Us. Getting married. It can't take all year to decide on a time and place, you know. We're not getting any younger." He reminded her.

"Well, its winter." She bit into a strawberry. There was always an excuse.

"And it feels like spring." Someone had definitely put a whammy on them. "How about Valentines day?" He tossed out there, figuring she wouldn't go for it. She didn't. Shaking her head as she took another bite out of the fat strawberry. She was right. Too sappy. They weren't exactly a Nicholas Sparks novel.

Puck sighed. "I'm beginning to think you don't want to marry me."

Tess rolled her eyes.

"Its not what you think." She sounded as if it were a promise. "I-I wish I had a degree, you know, something, where I'm really contributing..before..you know, we get married."

"You can work on a degree. I'm not keeping you, from getting an education." Puck smiled brightly as he took her hand. "But you can do that after we get married."

"I know. Its just." She sighed.

"What? There will always be something, won't there?" He looked at her hard then, trying to figure it out. "I know you love me." She turned from him then.

"Yes, I love you." She hugged herself. "Its just...me." She bit her bottom lip. "You make me happy, and..and I don't want to lose that. I don't." She shook her head and looked back at him.

"I know. And-" He drew a blank. He honestly did.

"You haven't met my mother." She said so grimly.

"OK, I'll meet your mother." He almost chuckled. "And then we'll get married." He drew her back to him.

She didn't exactly say Yes when he held her in his arms, but he thought he got an OK, under her breath.

late breaking

2011-11-27T01:45:00.039-06:00

Sal knew he'd get caught sooner or later, but it was the holidays. He just couldn't help but want to play a little on the brand new video game that he didn't tell Molly, he bought for himself. His thumbs worked the controls. There was heavy duty fighting going on in the dark subway he'd gotten to in the game. He was even kind of scared.

At least the baby was napping. He just needed a little get-away, in that world and this world too. But he heard the front door shut. It was Molly.

He saved what he could on the game as quick as he could and switched on Judge Judy.

"Hey, babe." He was all grins as he got up to meet her and kissed her like he missed her so. And he did. Just the excitement of the game and Molly too. He could exchange one for the other. He imagined. If only Molly were in the video game, and he was having to save her from something....

"How was today?" She had to work the day after Thanksgiving. Those rotten people at City. Everyone off, except those library people. But hey, she got overtime. Wasn't all bad.

He put his arm around her, got her situated on the couch with him. She could sit in his lap if she wanted. But she was no light weight. She might look to be a size two, but she felt like lead. Maybe that's why he liked being on top so much.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She wasn't that happy to see him.

"About what?" He started to play with her hair but ended up wanting to pull his own curls out.

"Michelle." She made Michelle sound like a lethal assassin.

"Don't make her sound so wicked, babe." Sal scowled. "It was a movie. Tess and I weren't even in the same theater."

"You should have told me." She was cold as she hugged herself.

"For what? Jesus, I didn't speak to her. She was with that asshole, Tess screwed around with from before.... Just leave it alone." He removed his arm from behind her. "You're being a bitch."

"hahahaa.." That laugh was fake. She found nothing funny about what he'd said. Evidently.

"Sorry." He scowled more. He gritted then. "You want to go shopping?" He'd do anything to get her out of this lousy mood. When could he get it through her head? He and Michelle were done.

an invisable splat

2011-11-20T05:44:00.018-06:00

"Oh...my..freak'n...God..." Molly kept staring at Dax. It was ages since she'd seen him. "Isn't he still barred?" She had to look up his account right now. Nothing checked out. Nothing about his incident in the computer lab. Molly shook her head.

"Just let it go." Tess exited out of Dax's account as they stood together at the computer terminal.

"Why?" Molly looked at her cross as she hugged herself.

"Just don't worry." Tess rolled her eyes.

"But you know how we both hate him. Remember? Remember how he talked to me?" Even now she felt as if she could melt into tears at the thought of his nasty voice. "He thought he was so ..smart...smart ass, more like it."

"Try not to think about it. Besides, he's not here to be on the computer. All right." Tess kept watching him. So did Molly.

"What do you think he's up too?" Molly asked.

"He's evidently still seeing Sal's ex." Tess's monotone voice sound like an alarm of some kind.

"What?" Molly squinted hard. "When did this happen?"

"Its none of our business. OK?" Tess eyeballed her then as if she needed to be quiet.

Molly squinted more. Tess told her about the movies when she and Sal were out. Molly was left with a look of disgust. Sal never told her anything, anymore.

not a moment too soon

2011-11-13T01:43:00.054-06:00

Dax didn't want to go to just any church. He wanted to go to the church that that girl Michelle helped, once upon a time. He was certain if they crossed paths again, then Michelle wouldn't worry so much about him. He guessed.

Dax knew Michelle could do better. She should be with someone better. What was he to do?

The old Dax would have shown her his true colors, already. Maybe if he had, well, he'd been history. But he wanted to change. Although, he guessed he hadn't when he saw that look on Tess' face when she saw him peering into the children's corner at the library.

"What are you doing here?" She stopped what she was doing, putting the children's new books out. She was all perky and happy until she saw him. Immediately, she gave him an ugly look as if she'd call the police if he lingered here long.

"I didn't come to see you." He might have been blunt, but it was the truth. "Honestly, I didn't."

"Really?" She was still indifferent.

"So..so how have you been?" He gazed at her simple mauve sweater set and her pencil skirt. His eyes kept staring at the chunky leather earth shoes she wore. He then saw she was wearing black rimmed glasses. A real librarian, he guessed. But maybe that was an engagement ring, he spotted. No wedding band yet.

"Good. And you?" She wouldn't let a smile slip. He understood.

"Fine." He'd make it short. There was nothing to say. Not now. Not ever. Even if he did want to tell her he didn't think of her at all now.

"So what do you want?" She talked as if he wasn't telling her the truth, instead of being helpful customer service.

"Its nothing. I-I thought maybe..." He didn't know how to talk about this. Wasn't like he was out shopping for a kid for Michelle.

"Maybe what?" She looked at him that he needed to make this quick even if there was no one waiting to check out.

"I have this friend who wants to be a foster parent." He guessed that was a start.

"Its not you, is it? Because, right now, I could tell you..you have no business with a kid." She was being pissy Tess now. Not that girl who liked more than drinking coffee with him. Who was she then? He had to wonder. Maybe she was the one with the personality problem. Not him, but he wouldn't bring it up.

"No," He winced as if he might have a good laugh. "I'd never want to be a Dad." But he knew that wasn't true. Deep down, that's all he'd ever wanted. Especially, with Tess. He wanted her to be his home. His life. But that was freaking crazy now.

"Good." She seemed a little more at ease now. "Is it Michelle?"

Dax thought he might choke. He nodded. Tess told him everything he needed to know about the girl and where she went to church.

down to this

2011-11-06T02:00:00.046-06:00

This bothered Michelle, but she couldn't let Dax know. Or was she? They'd had a nice birthday dinner at some place she'd always wanted to go to. It was elegant and so many forks she didn't know which one to use. Maybe they would have been better off going to his favorite pizza place, but he cleaned up nice and she wore the only dress she had. A black dress, in case she needed to go to another funeral.

"So did you go?" She wanted to know. Maybe he wasn't telling her everything. What if he'd found someone on his first time at a strange church? Could she compare to that kind of nice?

"No, not yet." He wasn't that eager to show up in front of strangers.

"We went to this center for a few months, when Dad was out of work, so we could get free meals. They spoke in tongues." She didn't mean to scare him about church. "Its just, some places have awful long services. Are you sure you are ready for something like that?" She looked him in the eye. His dark eyes didn't flinch. Still he was being awful quiet. He sipped water as if he could hardly breath in a suit and tie as it was.

"Why is this bothering you, so much?" He studied the Greek spinach salad, forking through it as if there was nothing to eat.

"Because..." She forked a tomato in her salad, hoping he'd do the same, but he didn't. "Because I don't want to see anything bad-"

"Bad? How could it be bad? Its church." He squinted. Finally eating a black olive.

"OK, you'd be alone." She took a bite of spinach then as if she was not afraid of that salad as much as he was. Michelle put down her fork and it clinked against the plate. "I want to go with you."

"But?" He squinted harder.

"But what?" She fretted, wishing they'd gone out for pizza.

"But then ..then they'll think we're a couple." He drew a breath as if it would be lie. "I'm going there...you know..." He shrugged, not wanting to say it.

"What? To find you a wife?" She was bitter now.

"Don't say it, like that?" He winced harder, turning away.

"Maybe, I don't want you, to." She barely said above her breath. She knew he heard every word she said, but he acted like he didn't.

its bound to happen

2011-10-30T04:53:00.100-05:00

"I want to show you something." Dax was excited. He was making some changes. He was back at work. Before then, there was a lot of time to think while watching talk shows on TV when he was laying around on the couch.

He found out about the bedroom furniture sale down at the Mart. So the old mattress was hauled off. And he got sheets and a bedspread. Dax was starting to think it might be a motel room.

"I almost got a king-size, but I wasn't sure if it would fit in here." He guessed the queen-size was plenty. Of course, he didn't really know anything about bedding. He found something blue. It was the calming effect that got to him. He watched Michelle give the bed a look over.

"Nice." She told him. Of course, there was no headboard, nor a dresser. He told her he might need help with that.

"But you don't have too." He shrugged. He was in no hurry. He'd pushed all his clothes in the closet. Hopefully, Michelle wouldn't notice.

"Well, I hope you enjoy it," she said. He nodded feeling weird now that they were here. He went to the fridge to find some sodas to drink. She followed. They stayed in the kitchen and looked at the bed from a distance.

"I went to the doctor, again." Dax popped open a can of Dr. Pepper.

"Are you sick?" She looked concerned, and he couldn't help but smile.

"No, everything is fine. Its really fine." He sighed. "I just wanted to know if I-I" He choked then thinking Michelle would take it the wrong way. "Just forget it."

"No, what is it?" She was curious.

"You know, those..those STDs, you forget about. I guess." He knew he was blushing. "I mean, I don't ..have anything. Its just I thought, you know. I need to take a few things seriously. And well, I think I want..." There he went again, feeling he was saying the wrong thing. "I'm going to wait..until I get married..before..before I have ...sex again."

"What made you decide that?" Michelle took a sip of her diet drink.

"I dunno. It got so crazy last time. I mean, I really thought she felt the same way I did, about things." He shrugged. "I would have married her. I wanted to. But- she wanted to keep things casual. You know. And-" His face tense as he talked about Tess. "I-I tried..." He winced hard. "I mean, the guy she's seeing now.." He sighed. "He looks just like me."

"You've got a twin? Parted at birth?" Michelle made light of it.

"Evidently." He sipped his drink, putting Tess behind him. "You ever tried one of those online dating, you know, whatever."

Michelle almost spewed her drink.

"Dax, you don't even text." She reminded him.

"Yeah, I know." He guessed it was foolish to think he could. "I'm all thumbs. I never learned to type." Dax could only think of one other option. "There is always church."

"Oh, really?" She looked at him. "Just when have you joined a congregation?"

"I haven't. That's just the point. Maybe I should." He shrugged.

"You know what they have at church, don't you?" Michelle put down her diet Dr. Pepper then.

Dax looked baffled, wondering how bad could it be?

"Its the biggest place for sinners." She told him.

maybe maybe maybe

2011-10-23T01:52:00.000-05:00

So much squash. Michelle wasn't so sure what to do with it. She went back home, wondering if Dax was really OK. Wondering, how bad his childhood really was. Why hadn't anyone ever helped him?

Visions of him sleeping in a damp basement like an animal, overwhelmed her. He never said it was like that, but she imagined growing up was never easy for him, especially if he was hungry most of the time.

She googled and found his record. He'd been in Juvie a lot. Fighting, mostly. She supposed he was a bully in school. Still, it didn't really frighten her. She'd seen Bo at his worst when he was drunk. Sometimes, she wondered if she enjoyed bringing out the worst in others. Now, she had a different perspective on things. Maybe it was age or everything she'd given up to start over from scratch.

She couldn't let herself be attracted to him, but here she was looking for photos of Dax in yearbooks online. Michelle wanted to see the good in him. She knew it was there. Still this fire of wanting to know him more needed to be distinguished. Yet, she'd call him for the slightest things. Then she'd be so mad at herself, later. Why was she letting this happen?

Michelle would tell him she was busy, but that would only last for a couple of days. Next thing she knew she was calling him to see if he were up for a matinee. She hoped he would always be up for a matinee.

And there was the squash. "Maybe we should make bread." Michelle thought it best to keep it simple. She'd taken the squash home and here she was in the kitchen getting him to grate the squash for loaves of sweet bread.

"You can freeze them. Give it for gifts at work." She sounded like Betty Crocker's grand-daughter, she thought as she got out the bowls along with sugar and flour. Yes, she'd have to keep him busy. Stop asking so many questions, she remembered. Michelle cracked eggs, but she let Dax mix up the batter.

"Did you ever cook-" Michelle knew she shouldn't ask.

"Um, no." Dax shook his head, as if he needed her to tell him what was next.

"My Mom, used to make this." She told him. It was no time to ask him about exes. "But we never had a garden." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. She guessed it was true. He was her only project. At least, she didn't wonder how the baby was doing with Sal. She got teary eyed at the thought... she hadn't thought of the baby until now.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing." But she was overwhelmed with tears. She hugged him while he held on to the mixer. Michelle looked back to see he was trying not to make mess. She kissed him lightly on the cheek. She told him she might be coming down with a cold. "Maybe we should get our flu shots."

untieing the knots

2011-10-16T04:52:00.092-05:00

Three days off in a row. Two of them were mainly staying put on the couch. Dax was afraid he might be fired. But, the boss told him to take it easy. He'd gotten a couple of phone calls from the nursing staff. He was getting better, but it was slow. Some guys from work brought his truck out. Of course, they teased him about the pretty girl who picked him up at work.

Dax could hardly stand their jokes about him being out of commission, and they wished they could have some of that. Thankfully, Michelle wasn't there to hear any of it. He didn't really want her help. Besides, he hated for her to see him like this. Sick. Helpless. But she did come out after work and brought him brownies and a casserole. They walked around out back because the doctor kept telling him to walk if he was going to be stronger.

"So did you ever make it to bed?" She asked after she found a zucchini he didn't know was in the garden. He shook his head, no.

"Why don't you have a good bed? Maybe that's why you have such a bad back." She shrugged carrying the big squash as if it might be a baby.

"Well, its just me." He shrugged back, not ever thinking having a good bed might do the trick. "You think I really need one?"

"Look, you're the only person I've ever met who just sleeps on a mattress. No covers, no pillows. Didn't you ever have a favorite room, growing up?" She winced.

"Not really." He shook his head.

"I bet your grandmother would really be upset with you, not having a real room for yourself." She told him as she dug under more vegetation for vegetables in his back yard.

"I never knew my grandmother." Where was as she coming up with this stuff? He tried to help, but he mainly watched as she grabbed more squash and even a melon.

"I saw a picture of you and your grandmother." She smiled then.

"Oh, that..that's my Mom." He didn't know why he kept the photo. It was old. Still, it was the only photo he had of her.

"Your Mom?" Michelle didn't believe him.

"I didn't know her very long." He'd never really talked about it before. "When she died, I had to live with this sister, she was my Dad's daughter. She didn't really know me. But she was the closet thing to a relative. She didn't really want me around, but she liked the social security. Then when I got this land, she was going to go to court over it. But really, it is my land. My mother's land so she decided to give up." Dax sighed, wishing he hadn't said so much about Candace. "We haven't spoken to each other in years."

"She sounds awful." Michelle told him.

"She could be." He agreed. "She really wasn't into me having school lunches or anything else." He left it at that.

They were quiet then. The wind blew harder. Dax's dark hair flew around his face. From the chill in the air, winter was on its way.

in a daze

2011-10-09T04:51:00.038-05:00

Michelle bought some mustard burgers along with some vanilla shakes on the ride back to Dax's. She couldn't be sure if he was actually sipping the shake through the straw. He was pretty out of it. She got the meds for him at Wal-greens. At least, he got in the house very slowly.

He told her he couldn't eat. She guessed maybe he shouldn't. She helped him to his bedroom, which was mainly a mess of clothes in the corner and a bare mattress on the floor.

"Maybe you should sleep on the couch." She veered him back to the livingroom. He could watch TV. It was just a shock to see that's where he slept.

"Yeah," He sounded a tad off but, mostly tired. He was being congenial, yet not exactly happy. "I don't feel much of anything." He sighed.

"Do you usually sleep on the couch?" She wanted to know.

"Sometimes." He slouched on the couch then.

"Do you have any pillows?" Michelle asked. She'd just seen a mattress.

"Pillows?" He looked at her as if he didn't know what she was talking about.

"Yeah, for your head." She thought he might need one.

He shook his head, no.

It was dark already. She wished she'd stopped by Wal-mart on the way home. Dax didn't exactly have the basics. It was becoming more clear to Michelle. This was not really a home. She looked around the livingroom while he dozed off.

Finally, she caught eye of that face she remembered in her dream. It was a little boy with a very old woman. She wondered if it was a picture of Dax and his grandmother.

a tight spot

2011-10-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Dax couldn't be sure, but he might have been crying. He wanted to believe it was just sweat from being in the humid garage at work. It was suddenly hot again. Just yesterday, it felt as if Autumn arrived. He'd dug through his place looking for anything warm from last year. Of course, his old plaid jacket with the fake wool inside smelled of oil and gas. But then most of his clothes smelled that way.

Now he felt dog tired. He could barely stand. He leaned against the concrete wall, steadying himself. The pain sometimes went in waves. Someone mentioned how bad it was when they had a kidney stone. It could have been as bad as that. Dax listened to a few of his co-workers go on about their ailments. After awhile he wanted to tell them to shut up, but he didn't have the energy to do speak up.

"You, WHO NEVER GETS SICK.." They all laughed as if they liked seeing him in pain.

"He's not a robot, after all." One of the older fellows said.

"Listen, kid, that was pretty stupid pushing that car all the way here." His boss said one more time. "But I won't hold it against you. You go to the doctor, here me? I want a doctor's note. Don't you go taking off to the bar."

Dax, promised he would go straight to the emergency room. It might be cheaper to go to a chiropractor. He'd never used his insurance before. He gritted once more as the spasm shook through him. Suddenly, he felt so old. Who did he think he was?

It was on his lunch break when he saw the car on the side of the road. It stalled. It wasn't that far from the garage. There was a woman and her two little kids. She looked as if she were in shock. So he pulled over to help. She hadn't a clue what was wrong. He was sure the power stirring was out. The car just didn't seem to want to move. But he kept pushing. Pushing when he shouldn't have. It helped a whole lot when he got the car in drive. He wished he'd thought of it sooner. Now he was paying for it.

He didn't want to believe it was that bad. Only a back strain. But it wasn't until now that he knew he'd taken his back for granted. Evidently. Now he felt miserable. Even worse, no one to call. Kramer was his emergency number. How pathetic was that?

Just then the glassed doors opened from the waiting area where it was cool and comfortable, even if there was the pungent odor of fresh tires. Someone was probably hoping their car was fixed. At least, the woman who's car stalled called her husband to pick them up. Her car was still in the garage being tended to.

"Hey, are you all right?" Michelle's voice of concern made Dax all the more weak. He shook his head, no, looking back at the men he worked with. Those sheepish grins. As if they knew something, he didn't. A couple of the guys helped him to the car. Dax proceeded to lay down in the backseat.

It was a quiet ride over the emergency room. She helped with the paperwork.

"Why weren't you going to tell me ....you have an October birthday?" Michelle looked at him.

He just shrugged leaning against the wall.

"Your birthday is two days after mine." She looked at the form again. "In case, you were wondering."

Dax just nodded. The wait was taking forever. It was hard to relax.

"Why don't you go home?" He told her she'd been here long enough.

"The nurse said it would be a thirty minute wait. Its not that long." She wasn't going anywhere. Neither was the sharp pain in his lower back.

Michelle wanted to know how it happened. He told her about the car on the side of the road. His truck was on the side of the road. One more stupid thing to worry about.

"I'm sure one of the guys at work could drive it home, even Kramer could do it." Michelle nodded.

"Kramer?" The pain tensed suddenly, as if someone stuck a knife in his back. "Where is he? I didn't know- I didn't expect you."

"He needed to pick up his kids. Its all right. No big deal." She got up and looked at him as if she might touch his face, but she put a strand of his dark hair behind his ear. "I wish you could sit down."

"Believe me, standing up is better." He sighed.

Finally, he was seen. The doctor told him what he needed. Needles would be involved. Dax didn't like that idea. He wanted to go home. Couldn't he just give him a prescription and let him go? He didn't like needles. But four nurses hit a vein in his arm with a needle and got him relaxed in no time. After all, he had someone to drive him home.

somewhere not so far away

2011-09-25T01:27:00.095-05:00

Michelle liked to think she'd be ready to date again, some day. Perhaps when she figured out her own life. When she did, she'd try to remember those things her mother always told her. Look for the guy who's going give you a good life.

It sounded like a great wisdom to remember, but it was kind of vague. Hadn't she tried that? Kind of. She never really knew Bo. She hated herself that she didn't. Still she married him, thinking there would be time and after all, it happened so fast. Then his parents and Bo found out she was pregnant after he was already in Afghanistan.

Michelle guessed she liked drama. Why else did would she do it? The lies. It was easier to go with it, and she'd made herself sick, thinking it over now. She promised she wouldn't. But it felt like a rut of some kind. She didn't want to be stuck, anymore. The more she listened to Dax, she was beginning to think he was talking about someone else that was not her. She supposed she'd just have to see him less. But who was she going to talk to, if it wasn't Dax?

Still, it would be better if she didn't depend on him. She'd try not too.

He was not on her mind when she went to bed that night. And when she dreamed, it was shows and actors she'd seen on TV. 90210 revisited. Of course, no one like Dax was about. Models poising as actors in amazing outfits on the beach, by the fire. So far away, from where she really was. Yet, the dream went serious. News Flash. And it wasn't about heavy metal falling to earth. She was actually watching TV in her dream, imagine that? There was a boy. Dark eyed, dark haired. She knew him. She thought so. They'd arrested him. But he was just a kid. Hardly, ten, she imagined. But in the next moment, the boy was there, he ran to her, hugged her tight. He wouldn't let go.

"Don't leave me." He kept saying. "Please, don't leave me."

When Michelle awoke, her eyes were wet. Instantly, she thought of Sal. Was she dreaming about him? She shook her head. But the dream was so vivid. She saw how the boy looked at her. She was suppose to do something.

After her shower and some quick instant coffee, she was sure she'd forget the dream, but she didn't. She now found herself smiling about it, as she got to work. Maybe she'd have another dream about the dark haired boy. What had he done? Why would he think she'd leave him? It was as if her dream was a book, and she wanted the next chapter. Now.

Soon enough, she found herself daydreaming about the silly dream. It was something to take her away from the mundane world at the office. Sure, there were phone calls to answer, information to take and type into the computer. Still, she found herself thinking how he hugged her, so close. Was he, her son? What if Sal was no better a parent than she ever thought she could be? But the boy didn't look like Sal. His hair was straight.

Of course, she knew she was pondering about it too much. Hopefully, she wasn't talking out-loud to herself at her cubical while she ate her peanut-butter and jelly sandwich at lunch. She caught herself filling up with tears. She was making herself sick. She couldn't wait to get home and go straight to bed. She wanted the dream to come back. Maybe she was just going crazy.

Thirty minutes before her shift was over, someone came to tell her. "Phone call."

Michelle cleared her throat and took it. Kramer was on the line.

"Look, I'm sorry to bother you, but could you pick Dax up, from work? He did something to his back. I told him I'd do it, but I've got to pick up my kids from school." He told her.

Michelle didn't say anything for the longest time. Suddenly, a calm set in. "Of course, I can do it."

when the sun doesn't shine

2011-09-20T01:26:00.040-05:00

"I dunno about this brown rice." Dax shook his head. What was he thinking, inviting Michelle over to his run-down trailer. Yet, it was what he liked. In the country, but nothing around for a quick-stop or fast food, which they definitely needed at the moment. "Its not done. And..and I've cooked it, the forty minutes." Maybe even more.

"I really didn't take you for the vegetarian type." Michelle laughed softly as if not to laugh at him, but with him. He guessed. He tried to laugh. But it was true, the worst meal ever.

"I could..take you out." He should have, but she didn't want him to spend money on her.

"Oh, we can do this, Dax." She fished in under the top layer of rice. "It won't be so bad." She served some beans from the crockpot into the chipped bowl. He really had nothing to make this place a home. It was bare. Perhaps quite ugly.

"Be careful." He wanted to mention the peppers he'd used. They were from his garden. They were the only thing to survive.

"haaa....OH MY GOD, those beans are so hot." She reached for a bottled water. "What did you put in those?"

He guessed it was a little late to mention it. Hopefully, the corn bread would help. He slathered on some butter on a piece and gave it to her.

"So, have you met anyone?" He was eager to know if she was making friends. If she liked the job. He hoped she met some one nice. Who dressed nice. Who took her nice places. Who gave her nice things. Yet nice seemed rather bland, but that's what she needed..wasn't it?

"Met someone? No." She grinned. "I'm doing good to find my own cubical. Its best not to get involved with people at work. I stay to myself."

"Why? I-I thought you'd like to make new friends." Dax didn't get it as he mashed his cornbread in the beans. He didn't want to touch the brown rice.

"Do you have a lot of friends at work?" She smiled. Dax shook his head, no. "See? You know what I mean."

"I guess." Dax sighed. "But..but what about that girl, the one you are helping?"

"I'm not sure that foster mother really likes me around." Michelle attempted the beans and rice once again.

"But, but the girl, she might really need you. You might be the only bright spot of the day she has." Dax felt foolish for saying it. But it might be true. That's the way it worked. Especially, in his life.

going through changes

2011-09-11T01:25:00.034-05:00

Michelle was sure she wasn't good at following directions. Possibly it was because she'd never been focused on completely anything that might help her forward her life. That had to be it. Or so she assumed. But a part of her wondered if maybe she didn't want anything great in her life. She didn't deserve it.

Of course, it made herself angry that she felt that way. She wanted to stop being her worst enemy. At least Kramer coaxed her into applying for the job that Dax mentioned on their little lunch date. She was reluctant, yet went for the series of interviews. It felt as if she might be joining the circus.

"Maybe, I would have better luck joining the Army." She was a free agent now, so to speak. It might do her good. Have someone tell her what to do.

"I dunno." Kramer told her. "It feels like you might be running from something. Lets wait and see if it works out with this job." Of course, he didn't have much time for her. He was working on his own family problems. He couldn't let her be seen with him. It was best if she needed to talk, talk to Dax.

She guessed Dax was a good listener. And she knew he wanted to help. He wasn't nearly as freakish as she thought he might be. After all, Kramer told her a few things about him. But he seemed to be on the road to recovery.

When the job came through, she thought she owed him something.

"No, you don't." Dax seemed shaky about it. He didn't want to have dinner with her as some sort of celebration.

"But I don't understand." Michelle was confused about his nature. "Its just dinner." She didn't want to be alone. She lived in a boarding house. It wasn't like she could use the kitchen for her own food.

Finally he gave in as if he had to be the last on her long list of friends that she could go out with. She hated to tell him, that he was the only one. She had more enemies than friends.

its might be lunch

2011-09-04T01:24:00.082-05:00

Dax tried his hardest not to drive by Puck and Tess'. But sometimes, he'd end up there, anyway.

Once Dax envisioned he was actually Puck. There was a while he had a plan to steal Puck's identity. Of course, it would start with abduction, and as much as he thought of it and how to do it...Dax also remembered Kramer wouldn't let him. Perhaps Kramer was just his good conscience. He thought less of it now. The plan. Perhaps, not quite erased from his memory, but enough.

"You know, I don't need to see you anymore." Kramer told him one day when he showed up at his office.

"I know." Dax hated to tell him that he just needed someone to talk to. "Maybe you were a preacher in another life." Dax never intended to talk about another life that he wanted. "Maybe that's why I keep coming back."

So they had their weekly lunches at the coffee shop. It was a date. Dax guessed. At least, it was something to get dressed up for. No uniform that smelled of gas or oil. And they would talk about everyday things. Things he never said to anyone at work. Thats when Kramer started talking about Michelle.

Dax knew about the baby, but he didn't say word to her about the misfortune. After all, he was just there to fix her car in the beginning. It felt good to do something right for a change. And he knew cars, but there was so much one could talk about when it came to cars.

After awhile, those lunches became few and far between with Kramer.

"Maybe you could ask Michelle out." Kramer mentioned how he was doing his best to go to counseling sessions with his wife about their marriage. Of course, Dax couldn't think why Kramer would end up at marriage counseling when he was so good at getting someone to better themself.

He guessed now he was doing this for Kramer, being there for Michelle.

"Well, we like the coffee shop." Dax told Michelle now as they sat there at the diner on a Sunday morning. "Kramer knew of it. And the foods reasonable. Just don't order the soup. It isn't all that warm. But the bacon and eggs are great, especially those biscuits."

"Do you cook any?" Michelle read the menu.

"Not really." Dax thought of the burnt bacon he'd made. It made him squeamish.

"Ever tried a cooking class?" She looked up at him.

Dax cracked up at the thought of even wearing an apron. He shook his head.

"It might be fun." Her smile was open, but he couldn't imagine she was suggesting...

"OH.." He just remembered like a jingle in his head. "I heard someone mention they were hiring at Pay-Pal. And..and I hear the pay is good. Lots of benefits. Even has a daycare, right there."

He knew he said something wrong, by the way she looked away. Her face, so washed out. She turned her cup over when the waitress came over with the coffee.

"I..I don't need child care." She cleared her throat.

"No. I mean, what about that little girl." He hadn't meant to bring up a sore subject. "You still want to be a foster Mom, don't you?"

She shook her head. He saw how the tears flushed her face. "Nobody's gonna give me a kid to raise."

"Don't talk like that." He told her he hadn't meant to upset her. "You never know. Not until you try."

more like a dream

2011-08-28T11:19:00.000-05:00

Michelle was trying her best to go it alone. There was Kramer to lean on, but since he wasn't really family, she hated to depend on him so much. Still, he was the one who found her the little place to live. A safe place, according to him. And..the job.

It didn't help that she never finished high school. She'd been a runaway, for awhile. During her parents breakup. She couldn't stand to see if fall apart, and she might still be on the run. Michelle came back when her Dad committed suicide.

There were a lot of ugly things in her family. Her brother got shot by one of ex-boyfriends. It went down as an accident, but she knew the truth, even if the evidence said otherwise. One more thing that was never the same with her mother.

But it all went back to Sal. There was no one quite like first love. No way had she wanted to duplicate it. But was it enough? Never had been. Michelle needed to better self. No way could Sal afford it. He could barely get by, as it was. Perhaps he just didn't believe in himself. She was sure that nog of his was capable. Sal was such a slacker.

Still Michelle was certain of it, her life went in a circle. There she was without nothing, again. It was going to be better this time. She promised. OK, she promised Kramer, who'd gone out of his way to get her back on solid ground. No need to bring herself down about the lies and being the worst widow ever.

Had she ever really felt anything for Nathan? He was a football player, but never got a scholarship. Really, he was lousy in bed. He could get abusive. She wanted to blame this all on him. If he'd only been what she'd expected then..then things would have been different.

Michelle did her best not to dwell on it. Yes, she'd made enemies. In the end she'd certainly made Sal hate her more. Yet she was the one who lost everything. She supposed she deserved this hurt that pulsed through her..even now.

But here she was..with Dax. Of course, she promised Kramer she'd be careful around him. At the moment Dax was the only one who seemed to care. Kramer was busy trying to get his family back, and she had a feeling Kramer needed to stay away from her. Probably for good.

"I'm waiting to see if can be in the BIG SISTER program." She found herself telling Dax now, after the movie. "Do you like children?"

"Hadn't thought about-" He couldn't even say the word children.

"There is this little girl." Immediately tears came to Michelle's eyes. She hoped she didn't go weepy, but she felt that way everytime she thought of Hannah. "She's in foster care. She's from Ethiopia. Her Mom died." A lump lodged in her throat, full of grief. "She's so adorable. I saw her at the library. I don't like the way that foster Mom treats her. She treats her like..like she's mental. But she's not. She's really smart." Of course, Michelle wondered what sort of difference she could make in an eight year old's life. First of all she'd do something to that matty hair of Hannah's. Seriously, the foster mother had too many to take care of, or maybe hair just wasn't important to her. "I helped her read a couple of times at the library." She'd visit the library every Tuesday evening when the mother brought the children in. It was beginning to be a regular thing. "Anyway, her foster mom said I could take Hannah out if..if I got in the Big Sister organization." Of course, it felt like an eternity, waiting for approval. But at least it was a dream..maybe..if things got better..Hannah could come to live with her.

moving on

2011-08-15T22:16:00.000-05:00

Dax didn't think it would last long. But for a while he was usually there when Michelle showed up at Kramer's.

Funny, he never imagined being friends with his probation officer. But he was quiet when Michelle was around. He really couldn't think of a thing to say. It was better if he didn't speak. He just never did well with making friends. Its a surprise he didn't wear a T-shirt in school that said "Doesn't play well with others." And he didn't.

He'd been a fighter all his life. It was in his blood. Among other things. He was taking the pills now to curb his appetite for alcohol. There were other pills that made him feel rather listless too. Now he was just fighting himself. It felt as if the world was going by in a blur. And he thought it was all lost, Dax was somewhere peaking out from the dead leaves of life.

But then Michelle's car broke down and that's what started it all.

"No, no, I'm going to pay for this movie ticket." She'd told him. She could manage a matinee. "Besides you've seen the other Transformers movies. I haven't seen any of them." She made it sound as if she wouldn't dare deprive him of this trip to the movie theater. She said she hadn't seen a movie..since she didn't know when.

He only nodded still not sure what to say to her. But she still gushed about him saving her job down at GOOD WILL. All she had going for her at the moment was a little room upstairs at the boarding house where she stayed. There wasn't an eat in kitchen or even a bathroom. But the wallpaper was peach and the curtains were white sheets along the long windows.

Dax found himself dreaming about that room. He didn't want to, but it felt like heaven. Even if he'd only stood in the doorway.

"You're just being too nice to me." He managed. So he paid for the huge bag of popcorn and medium drinks. He didn't look at this as a date. Neither dressed up, really. If he had thought of it, then it might not have been as comfortable.

Right before they went into the darkness, he caught sight of Tess, but he quickly turned, hoping she wouldn't notice him. But all he could think of was her during the movie. Was he ever on Tess' mind? It made him sad to think that she'd completely forgotten about him. Still, he'd missed her smile, but he knew it wasn't him who made her smile, anymore.

He was sure it was the popcorn that made him sick, but he kept his courage up, or at least tried. Some how it was always easier in the dark.

little moments

2011-08-01T22:54:00.000-05:00

"How would you feel if I joined the Air Force?" Tess wiggled about the kitchen to her own little dance as Puck was steadying the watermelon on the counter.

"Are you wanting me to cut my finger off?" He looked at her that it was no joke to him. "I thought we were getting married?"

"Well, yeah. But just pretend I'm going." She winked.

"That's not something you pretend about." He looked at her. "Are you really wanting to go?"

"No." She shrugged with a wince. "But would you miss me?"

"Yes. I would. I'd be worried about you. All the time." He steadied the watermelon again. This time he hacked it open with a thick butcher knife. the melon was seedless and red ripe. He smiled.

"Now comes the hard part, finding enough containers to put it in." She went through the cabinets, looking for Tupperware and lids. Lots of lids.

"See why I need you around?" He cut half moon slices then traced out the rine with the end of the knife and stared making bite size for a container she'd found for him.

"We do make a good team." She nudged her side into his.

"Yes, I do think so." He nodded. "You love my garden as much as I do." She nodded.

"But you are the master of the raspberry jam." She sighed.

"Next time, it'll be your turn. We'll make green apple jelly." She was not amused at the hot water bath after the jars of jam were made last weekend. Tess didn't see the point.

"Its what you are suppose to do. You want the jars to seal." He reminded her now.

"Thank god you're not making water melon jelly." She grabbed a chunk to eat.

"What about watermelon salsa?"

"No. I don't think so." She fed him a piece then.

"You sure you're not going into the Air Force?" He looked at her.

"Nope. Just seeing how you'd react." She fessed up, touching his nose.

"You know, I love you and well I guess I'd have to be your Air Force husband." He kissed her on the cheek. "If it came to that."

"You have watermelon to cut up." She reminded him, stealing another chunk.

"You are a slave driver." He went back to work. He couldn't think now of a time when he didn't like Tess.

the last resort

2011-07-26T16:23:00.000-05:00

Molly contemplated it for sometime. Some days more than others. Most days when it was a shitty day at work. It was the last resort.

The Airforce.

She'd talked to her cousin about it. Mainly e-mail. Of course, he was in some mysterious destination working on computers. He couldn't even tell her where he exactly was. But it had to be better than this.

"All righty then!" Sal couldn't be happy enough about it when she blew up one afternoon when she got off work. "You can go around the world, and I can be right there with you!" Naturally, that smile of his irked her, all the more.

"You can not be serious." Tess pulled her right into the kitchen when she heard such nonsense coming from Molly. "You have no idea what rough is, evidently." Tess stared her down as if she would put her in a trance and bring her back to a reality she could live with. "Boot camp is quite painful, you know, even if it is the Air Force. And..and what if you don't make the grade. Not even get in. They might send you to one of the other branches. Besides, everyone is coming home." Tess crossed her arms and waited for Molly to say something.

"I'm never going to get ahead, am I?" Molly sighed.

"There is always the lottery." Tess grinned. "Look, you've got so much going for you. Quit looking at the glass half empty. You've got your health. You've got Sal and a baby that you didn't actually have to push out of your own uterus."

"You're really not making me feel any better." Molly winced as if she didn't need having baby Dez brought into this.

"Fine. Whatever. If that's what you want. The military. Then do it." Tess told her. "But are you really in shape? So what, you're skinny, but you're not really strong. Everything makes you cry at work. They don't like crybabies."

"I know." Molly hugged herself then.

"You've stopped taking your Zoloft, haven't you?"

Molly just shrugged.

"Have you?" Tess cut open the sweet melon on the counter then. Molly watched. Soon enough they were eating the sweet juicy green melon.

"You know, you like your Zoloft. You did before. What changed?" Tess questioned between bites.

"I can't sleep anymore..not..since..." She hated to say it was all Dez's fault. he was just a baby. A baby who did like her. He wanted to wallow all over her when she held him. Honestly, he was just like Sal. How could that be possible?

She knew she should embrace the situation. But the problem was, embracing took a lot longer than she thought possible. Molly didn't mean to runaway. She didn't mean to stop taking her antidepressants, either.

It was hard when some people expect so much from her. She was just one person. And she didn't know the answer to everything. She hardly knew the answers about herself as it was. She couldn't even plan a one night stand with her closest friend. And he was actually willing to be the other guy.

No, this was her world. These were her friends. Her family. It was never easy being a grownup, especially with a husband who might never grown up.

actually, like a fine drink worth drinking

2011-07-11T15:36:00.000-05:00

Tess couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten this much popcorn. Puck wasn't much for popcorn. Especially, at the movies. True, it was expensive, but he complained about the hulls in his teeth and she guessed that would be a good enough reason to give it up. Although, Transformers 3 was definitely a popcorn movie. And they'd had a laugh or two, she and Sal.

It was good to see Sal relaxed and happy. She hoped he was. Sometimes, she wondered if it even bothered him if Molly wasn't. She wouldn't dare ask. Sometimes, it was good to leave well enough, alone. A lot of times it did no one any good to bring it up. No, they just enjoyed the movie. It was odd being with him because..well, he was Molly's. What she knew of him was mostly through Molly's rants about him. So she knew his bad side. She didn't really know this side of him.

Finally, the movie was over. On the way out, she spotted Dax. For a second, she held Sal back.

"What?" Sal was caught off guard.

"I just..I just want to wait and see." Tess looked at Dax. She was hoping he was waiting for someone. Hoping he wasn't alone. Yet, she didn't want to go out of her way and make conversation with him, either. Tess hung back behind Sal as if she hoped Dax wouldn't see her.

"Him? Who is he?" Sal scowled. "He's no relation to Puck, is he? Like a long lost brother?"

"God, no." She whispered in his ear, wishing she could stomp his foot for even suggesting Dax might be related to Puck. "I used..to date him." Which wasn't exactly true.

So they waited. And they kept staring once someone joined him. Neither couild take their eyes off of her.

"What the hell?" Sal said under his breath. Dax was with Michelle, Dez's mother.

"Seriously, I wasn't expecting that." Tess whispered back, tugging Sal to stop looking and walk around the movie posters so Dax nor Michelle could see them.

"Shit." Sal was like a giggly kid once they managed to the parking lot. "Your ex with my ex!"

"Yeah, we should definitely celebrate." Tess sarcastically remarked on the way to Sal's car.

"We should." Sal smiled.

"And how would we do that?" She stared at him thinking it would only be fitting to have a stiff drink at the local place where he liked to play pool.

"Actually, I've had a hankering for a rootbeer float." He said once they got settled in the car and on their way home.

"What has happened to you?" Tess couldn't quite believe it as she shook her head.

"That's what being a Dad does to you. You start wanting the good things when you were a kid, again." He shrugged.

more than meets the eye

2011-06-30T23:36:00.000-05:00

Puck wasn't sure why he remembered that phrase "more than meets..the eye.." Something to do with Transformers. Sal was talking about the movie. Of course, he couldn't even get Molly thinking about seeing the movie with him.

"I'll go," Puck heard Tess say in the kitchen. She was helping him with some of Dez's bottles. "I was crazy about Transformers growing up."

Puck could just see her pushing boys out of the way so she could see the cartoon. He almost laughed. It was good to think of happier times and not horrific storms to wait for. At least Sal's Mom was safe in the basement. She told Sal she was all alone with a carton of cigarettes. Puck was thankful the baby wasn't there for that little event.

"If you two really want to go, I could hang out with Dez." Puck finally butted in on their conversation.

"You don't have too." Sal was holding Dez who was alert and holding himself steady as he watched Tess with the baby bottles.

"I think you two should go." Puck took the baby from Sal.

"Well, the next show is in thirty minutes." Sal's face emerged kid-like as if he liked the idea, after all. Puck shelled out an extra twenty.

"I bet you'll need extra popcorn with that." Puck offered then.

Sal took the money and thanked him. Tess didn't have any qualms, either. She gave Puck a kiss on the cheek and petted Dez's back. His eyes followed them out the door. Dez didn't explode as if he were frightened. Instead he grabbed at the nap of Puck's T-shirt. Dez's sharp fingernails clawed into Puck's skin. Seriously, he couldn't imagine Dez so strong, but it was amazing, seeing the infant's strength in action.

"Where's Sal?" Molly flung down her crossword puzzle book then.

"I didn't even know you were here." Puck winced then wondering where Molly had been. Evidently the bedroom. "He and Tess with to a movie."

"What movie?" She didn't seem completely upset about it.

"Are you and Sal, all right?" Puck wanted to know then as he decided he'd get in his favorite chair in the livingroom with Dez. Maybe watch a little TV.

"I guess." Molly followed him into the livingroom. Her floppy ponytail was coming undone, and she was still in pajama pants and one of Sal's gray tanks.

"So you're just guessing at this now?" Puck questioned as he got situated with the baby who laid contently in his arms, waiting to proceed with the channel surfing. So Puck aimed and clicked.

Molly gave him a mean scowl. She grabbed her crossword puzzles and headed back to their room.

"Just run and hide, as if that ever solved a problem," Puck said. He hugged Dez ever so dearly who kept his eyes on the TV.

"What is that suppose to mean?" She hurried back, grabbed the remote and clicked the TV off.

Puck just smiled at her. He'd decided he'd teach Molly this trick that Sal had showed him with Dez. He got up. Told her to sit in the chair, and put Dez just so in the crux of her arm. "Now make sure he's on his back." Dez loved the seating arrangement. He was sucking on his fist, in his little yellow ducky suit.

There was just a certain happiness that came over Puck when he knew Dez wanted to be in that very spot. He hoped Molly could feel it to. It was a certain sort of bliss. The perfect cuddle, perhaps.

when the lights were out

2011-06-22T22:33:00.046-05:00

"I think it fizzled out." Sal shrugged. The lights flickered. They were out for a bit. Finally the lights shined bright in the basement. He looked at Dez's little mouth half open. The baby was sleeping on his shoulder. Dez drooled a bit. Sal didn't budge.

The sirens did their thing an hour earlier. That was it. NOTHING. Just like always, he thought.

"Are we gonna stay down here, all night?" He was restless. He was doing his best to stay calm. Calm for Dez, he supposed. Maybe Molly, who kept hugging herself had gone ill. She wouldn't eat any snacks. She was far from relaxed.

"I'll tune in the radio." Puck went to fuss with the little radio. Polka music was about the only thing he could tune in.

"Everything is fine." Sal reached for Molly, but she shook her head no, as if to tell him..now was not the time.

"You know, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, but here with you." He wondered if she could say the same. Probably not. He couldn't keep his eyes off her. Maybe this had nothing to do with the tornado. A sly smile curled up on Sal's face. "Shit, this is about your parents, isn't it? You don't want them to know. Do you? That we got hitched."

"Why do you have to make it sound so God awful?" She scowled at him then.Molly sat in the corner on a blanket with a fat pillow behind her that she could sleep on if she had too.

"Is it? You said you wanted to." Sal was soon even lipped.

"I can't talk about it here." Molly said barely above a whisper.

Before he could question her more, they both turned to the old TV that Tess got to work. She'd been rather industrious while they sat during their spell in the basement.

There hadn't been a tornado, but straight winds. It had damaged a few areas around. Not here. But as soon as he saw it, he knew the house. His mother's house. The huge tree out front fell on the front room.

Sal winced. Shaking his head. He couldn't believe it. He looked at Dez snoozing through the whole thing. Dez's portable crib was in his mother's livingroom.

thinking back

2011-06-13T22:41:00.000-05:00

"You can only be prepared for so much. I mean, when it happens..it just happens." Tess shrugged as she put the peanutbutter sandwiches in the the baggies back at Puck's kitchen. It was simple foods. Kinds that would endure a storm, perhaps.

Molly nodded. "My Mom says I went kind of crazy the last tornado scare we had."

"What did you do?" Tess winced out of concern.

"I don't think I did anything wrong.I mean, I was only 11. But she says I was hyperventilating." Molly told her. "It was..just...this tornado was so close to the house. It was only a block over. Nothing like all those tornadoes in Joplin. Just this one tornado, and we were huddled in a bathroom." She sounded as if she might have witnessed a whirlwind now.

"Hey, a tornado is a tornado." Tess told her. "When I was a kid, like six or so. I might have been younger. My mom didn't much care who I hung out with in the neighborhood. Just as long, as I was out of her hair. But anyway, I was with this kid, Gary, and you know just playing Army. I was his Army wife."

"How old was he?" Molly seemed concerned about this part.

"How should I know." Tess winced harder. She had the picnic basket full of sandwiches and little Debbie snacks. "What I'm trying to tell you. We were off down by the cornfields...and..and there it was. Out of now where. It was sort of like witnessing a space ship, except it was so- strong. I couldn't take my eyes off that funnel cloud. Of course, we ran home. Nobody, believed us when we told them." Tess stared the basket. She thought of Gary, wondered if he remembered that tornado. Of course, he moved away, and she hadn't heard from him since. But she thought of how they stood there watching the tornado tear up the cornfield. "God, we were crazy kids." She shook her head. She would have never let her own kid go off with anybody like that. Ever.

here and back again

2011-06-10T12:54:00.001-05:00

Sal had a lot of things on his mind, but one thing that wasn't, telling his mom about Molly. He wanted to grab Dez and be on their way.

"But he can stay." She was all sentimental, going on about his baby pictures and how much Dez favored him.

Sal had heard enough to want to pull his hair out.

"Mom, there's the storm coming, we gotta go." He edged his way toward the door, hanging on to Dez in his carseat.

"No, don't go!" She had plenty of food. "Stay here, baby, please." Sometimes, he wondered who he was talking to. She never sounded like that when he was growing up. Usually, she was gruff with the boys, ordering them around. They'd get smacked if they didn't do what they were told. God forbid if they complained about the food, they were doing great to get a happy meal from MacDonalds. Now she cooed over the baby, and she was so sweet. It was irritating Sal every second he stayed.

Sal stopped listening. He was out the door and it wasn't until they were down the interstate that he wished he'd told his Mom that he loved her, but she just wouldn't shut up.

"It just feels good to have Dez with me." Sal finally nodded as he sat there watching the baby sleep. "I would have never stopped hating myself if I'd left him with Mom and something happened." The whole day had been topsy turvey with Molly. Now it felt as if they'd gone through with some dare. But it was real. It was done. They were married.

"We'll get down in the basement. There's food down there." Puck mentioned on the drive back.

"You got any booze in that room?" Sal looked over at Puck with a sly grin.

"Only for emergencies." Puck grinned back.

Sal looked up at the dark green cloud they were driving into. "Well, hell, this is an emergency."

It wasn't long until they were back at the house. They brought Dez inside. Then they went back out and put tarps on the cars, just in case if it hailed. Puck didn't think it would be worth it, to put the cars in the old barn. It would probably blow away anyway if a tornado came.

Molly had prepared some extra bottles of formula for Dez. The powder ready inside. All they'd have to do was add bottled water. Now it was just the waiting. Waiting for the sirens to go off.

brewing in the sky

2011-05-31T14:57:00.029-05:00

"What do you want me to do?" It came down to that. Puck knew. He was out back picking strawberries. He could see a storm brewing in the west. There was a lot more going on than Sal and Molly's predicament. He kept listening to Tess go on and on, how miserable Molly was. "You want me to give them money?" He looked up at her blankly. He thought he'd been generous, already. The couple did live with them. They weren't even paying rent.

"I dunno." Tess was mad, stomping about in the back yard. Puck got up then and gave her a fresh strawberry. But she was still in a mood. He looked up at the sky. It didn't look good. It was possible, the bad weather was coming. Maybe not instantly, but within the next couple of hours.

"I think they should get Dez." Puck just said.

"Why? Don't you want them to have a honeymoon?" She squinted hard.

"Some day. Just not today." He sighed, thinking of all the tornadoes that had hit other places but not here. It could happen. It was a violent season. "It would be a good idea if we are all here." He went back to picking strawberries. It was just a small patch, but they were beautiful and ripe. If he didn't pick them, they'd be left for the mice. He'd leave them enough, but not the entire crop. He asked her to hand out the bottom of her shirt so he could fill it up. "Just tell them, they better get the baby." He picked more of the strawberries after she headed in.

They'd be safe in the basement. After all, he had a concrete room down there. It was ready with supplies. Even a bathroom. No, this was no time to have all that much fun. It looked like bad weather on the way. He hoped Tess looked at the sky, but he knew that wasn't on her mind.

Puck gathered more of the plush strawberries in his shirt. He headed in. Just his luck, he'd have to take Sal to get Dez.

fit to be tied

2011-05-28T02:39:00.036-05:00

"Are you crazy!" Tess cornered Molly after they got back from Trader Joe's. "You, two. Just..did it." And she wasn't talking about sex in the car or any of wild thing Sal might do on a whim..but marriage. "Just like that. The justice of the peace."

"Well, there was no waiting." Molly shrugged a bit indifferent.

"BUT WHAT ABOUT US!" Tess blew up. It was suppose to be a celebration. Something to take pictures of. Tess always imagined she'd be Molly's maid of honor. She would have a bridal shower to plan. She'd be there every step of the way for the happy occasion.

"You know, we can't afford a wedding." Molly was practically mute. She didn't look like the happy bride. She was in jeans and an old Jr. Friends of the Library T-shirt. What an awful outfit to be married in, thought Tess. She bet she didn't even wear lip gloss.

"You could have waited." Tess told her. They were back in the bedroom without the baby. Sal's mother still had Dez. It was so quiet. The guys were putting away the groceries, which was mainly wine and beer.

"No." Molly shook her head. "It would have given him time to change his mind." She was serious. "And..and I've invested too much time with him and all the things he wants. Everything we own is in my name, anyway."

"Molly, you sound like you're out for vengence. You sure, you aren't thinking of killing him?" Tess glared at her.

"You ever wanted what everyone else has, but you don't know how to get it?" She looked as if she could spit bullets.

"OK, we know Sal's a fuck'n Moran, but that's beside the point." Tess gritted. "You still deserve to be happy."

"I don't want to start over, with anyone else." Molly sucked in a breath. "I really think we can be happy one day, just not today." It was as if she'd given up on the matter. She'd have to wait for that possibility like the lottery.

"But-but..why did you do it?" Tess winced.

"He's family." Molly shrugged. "And..he's pretty good in bed. Why not make it legal?" It was as if Molly had nothing to be surprised about.

Tess nodded. She couldn't think of Molly with anyone else but Sal, but damn if she didn't want to knock some sense into that man-boy that Molly called her husband now. Tess, bit her thumbnail in thought. What was she to do?

let them eat cookies

2011-05-25T13:24:00.000-05:00

Sal was looking for the maple leaf cookies at Trader Joe's. His mother had given him a box. Now he was at the grocery store with Molly. He knew he owed her a lot. But at the moment, all he could think of were more of those cream filled cookies. It wasn't cheap beer or wine or the like, just something simple to go with hot tea or a mug of coffee. His days were wildly sober. Of course, there was a glimmer of hope, that maybe if they made this quick, he and Molly would get back home and do something with themselves that didn't pertain to childcare. After all, his Mom wanted some grand-baby time.

"I don't even know what these cookies look like." Molly was getting perturbed. This was where retired hippies shopped.

"Yeah, well, I downed the whole box in about ten minutes." He was looking hard at the row of cookies behind the cold counter of microwave foods. "Sorry. I should have just kept the box." He knew. He really didn't think it was all that organized here. People who worked here were just having too much fun. Some guy was carrying around a big Question mark sign. Sal finally figured out he worked here so he stopped him for help.

But then Sal knew he's asked too much by that silly grin on the hippie's face.

"Well, my wife, needs them." Sal suddenly pulled Molly into the conversation, who gave them both a dead pan look that she hadn't a clue what was up. Thankfully, the clerk went to find the cookies.

"Why did you do that?" Molly winced as she looked to see he had his arm around her shoulder almost gangsta style.

"I dunno." Sal said rather nervous as he brought his arm back down. "Why can't I?" He kept glaring as if the cookies were her idea.

"We aren't married." She clarified.

"Not yet." He said as if it were a very small technicality.

She remained even lipped as if she were waiting for him to say more. Sal half rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Jesus, you know your folks are expecting a big wedding." He wished he could just hire someone to take his place and then he'd fall back into the routine of things with her. Of course, nothing was the same with Dez around. No sex. No sleep. Not even a cigarettes.

"I never said that." She was bitter.

"OK, then, lets just trot on down to the justice of the peace and get it done." He almost threw his hands in the air. He did have the time now. One more week before he had to go to work.

"Really?" She looked at him serious.

"I guess." Sal shrugged. Just then the clerk with the big Question sign showed up with the maple cookies.

where it might land

2011-05-16T22:39:00.001-05:00

Puck wondered where that goofy hat came from that Sal was wearing to the golfing range. He slung the golf club around his back and walked around with it like he might always carry his tools this way, or Sal might go into a high kick dance number with the golf club.

"You don't really know how to play golf, do you?" Puck looked over at him.

"Can't say that I do." He yawned then and a sneeze came soon after. He looked ready enough. Sal was in some pale pants and striped polo shirt, but he still wore his black high tops. Puck didn't feel nearly as stylish in his jeans and favorite MISFITS T.

"Well, neither do I." He confessed as he looked around at all the old men getting the golf balls out, ready to whack.

"Really?" Sal winced as if he'd lost all confidence of the day, out at the golf course.

"These were my grandmother's golf clubs." Puck shrugged.

"Are these women's golf clubs?" Sal took a closer look at the club.

"I wouldn't know." Puck told him. "We'll just do what everyone else is doing." He set down the golf balls as if he did this every Sunday morning.

"What the hell are they doing?" Sal looked around as if he was even afraid to try.

"Just hit the ball." Puck directed.

"Well, I do feel like hitting something." Sal sighed as he looked for other's form, for this adventure. He wiggled into place. Got his feet straight, put the iron next to the ball. He stretched the iron back then and took a whack.

"Now doesn't that feel good?" Puck found himself laughing. Of course, neither were sure exactly where that ball landed.

"I think you're right." Sal grinned back. "I won't get tennis elbow, will I?" He looked at Puck.

"How could you? This is golf." Puck said, as if he'd know.

Sal just nodded and whacked another.

Puck could hardly contain himself.

"What is so goddamn funny?" Sal wanted to know.

"You haven't had a cigarette yet." Puck reminded him.

"Neither have you." Sal shrugged. He whacked another, with more confidence now.

Puck had to catch up. He was definitely ready to whack some balls. Why had he brought up cigarettes? He was doing so well, until he mentioned them.

all in a day's work

2011-05-08T08:57:00.000-05:00

"So what really bothers you the most..about all this?" Tess thought she should ask Molly even if she did enjoy sitting in front of the dining-room window, letting the morning chill come around her. She sipped what was left of the coffee mixed with milk.

The guys had already left for the driving range.

"I-I guess..I keep thinking about Michelle." Molly shrugged as she warmed her hands on her mug of coffee.

"Stop thinking about her. She's the least of your worries of the moment. She's given up her rights to Dez so that leaves you." Tess told her.

Molly glared as if she didn't need to hear this from Tess, but Tess didn't care. Finally Molly took a sip of her coffee.

"Things are lot more relaxed with Sal and Dez, than I thought they'd be by now." Tess smiled. "Guess they wore each other out." She couldn't help but chuckle. "I think Dez has given Sal a dose of his own medicine." She sighed then. Of course, Dez was in a deep sleep in Sal and Molly's room. He was definitely enjoying the long morning.

"Maybe you should wake Dez up." Tess got up then. She could hardly stand it. Him getting all the peace at the moment.

"What? Are you crazy?" Molly snapped. "Don't you go near him!" Molly got up too as if they might play basketball by the crib and Molly would guard Tess, away from Dez.

"What I'm saying, you guys have got to get him on a good schedule. You know, where he'll sleep at night. Not all day." Tess slyly smiled.

"He's just an infant. He needs a lot of sleep. Especially, right now." Molly winced. They both went to take a look at him. He was growing. His body full and long, filling out the baby blue sleeper he wore. Of course, his hands were covered. He had a way of wanting to scratch himself, but Tess had seen how Sal bite off Dez's little fingernails on the ends. She thought maybe she was living with a small colony of monkeys, perhaps. Still Molly made a point of covering Dez's little paws so he wouldn't hurt himself.

While they were talking, Dez woke up, looking at them puzzled. It wasn't long until they smelled trouble. Poo. He was quite congenial while he did it. There was something devious about his little smile. As if they'd woke him for this very thing.

"I bet he's hungry now." Tess went to get him a bottle while Molly changed him. She knew Molly hated that part, but she was one to be thorough about how clean he needed to be. She could go through baby wipes on his bottom more than anyone Tess knew.

"See that's not so hard." Tess beamed, and then she saw what Dez had done. He'd whizzed right on Molly's chest. It wasn't just a little wet spot. "Nice aim."

Molly scowled and went to change out of her sleep shirt she'd been wearing. Next thing she knew Molly was taking a shower.

"Go easier on her, will you?" Tess talked to him as she secured his thick diaper. She picked him up then to give him his bottle. Really, she knew Molly should be doing this. "Don't you act like you don't like her, because I know you do." She watched him take the bottle as if he knew what Tess was good for. His long lashes fluttered into sleep. She had a feeling he'd have them all wrapped around his finger, one day.

practice makes perfect

2011-05-02T16:12:00.000-05:00

"There are things I wish I were better at." Yeah, that's what was bringing Molly down. Perhaps there weren't enough hours in the day. She held on to her morning mug of coffee as she watched Tess flip an egg as if she'd been doing it since she was a kid. Tess might not have been a gourmet cook, but she knew her way around the kitchen. Especially at breakfast. She dished it up and slip some bacon on it, along with a slice of toast and gave it Molly.

"Like what?" Tess looked up at her.

"Being somebody's girlfriend who's boyfriend has a kid." Molly sort of laughed, but not really.

"Why don't you write a book on it. Bet there aren't many books on the subject." Tess almost winked as she got Molly some juice.

"Yeah, right." She sighed. "Its just..I really don't know what to do for Sal." She shrugged as she bit into the buttered toast that she wished Tess hadn't buttered because she knew she didn't need the butter, but she ate it...

"Well, Rome wasn't built in a day, and you can't think what to do right away when you get the lottery, either. It'll take some time, Mol." Tess grabbed her coffee then and leaned at the kitchen counter, watching Molly attempt breakfast. After all, everyone had eaten but Molly, who had over slept.

"I guess you and Puck have it all figured it out, don't you?" Molly couldn't help but resent the fact that they had a blank slate ahead of them. They could make a great future. Nothing could hold them back.

"Not really." Tess squinted. "You just take one day at a time, and enjoy it. Because Puck is like that, and..and I've decide I'm not going let the past get in the way." She smiled with a shrug then.

"I think things will be better once Sal gets back to work." Molly would try to think positive. "He's got daycare right there in the building."

"So have you held the baby much?" Tess wanted to know then.

"You know." Molly felt a bit flustered then.

"Maybe you need to spend the day with Dezi." Tess grinned. "If you want, we could spend the whole day with him. Let the guys go fishing or something."

"You know Sal couldn't keep quiet, to fish." Molly rolled her eyes.

But before Molly could get Tess to understand, guess who thought they should go golfing? Puck was making plans as soon as Tess said something to him, who was off in the laundry room folding clothes.

Molly didn't want to rain on their parade. She hoped Sal hated golfing.

going the distance

2011-04-27T23:16:00.000-05:00

"What happened exactly?" Sal felt he'd missed Easter. Christmas felt like yesterday. It was as if he had no control over time. All he really wanted was to have a good eight hours of undisturbed sleep. He wasn't even sure if he could understand what Molly was saying. Clearly she was upset, but he could only do so much while carrying a baby and trying to feed it, at the same time. "Do you realize the price of pampers have gone up two bucks, since last week?" He hadn't meant to say it, but it was true. What other awful things were happening in the world?

"Sal!" Molly finally got his attention. "You need some sleep."

"What?" He winced. He finally noticed the bottle was empty. As if it was all in fast forward.

"Just give me the baby, OK." She looked at him as if he needed to hand the baby over. Now.

"No." Sal yawned. Dez was snoozing beautifully. He understood that. He put him in the crib only inches from the bed. "What's..what is going on Mol?"

He came back to her and took her hand. They could have a quiet moment, just sitting on the bed. Even if his black wife beater was a tad messed up, and he wasn't sure how long he'd been in these flannel pants. They could sit here for a minute or two. He'd shower and then...

Sal looked at her, out of the corner of his eye. Some sex would do the trick. He'd be energize then. Everything would be the way it should be.

"Tess and Puck are getting married." Molly sighed.

"When?" Sal winced hard. "Are you sure?" Was he dreaming now? Was there wedding going on now? As if he could tune in and watch it like Will and Kate's big day.

"That guy, I didn't even know she went out with, stopped by the library..next thing I know, she's planning a wedding next month at the park." Molly looked so sad about it.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Sal didn't get it, but she was crying. It was a quiet cry. Like, possibly, she didn't want him to notice but he did.

"Look, I need shower. I really do. And we'll decide what we need to do." He stood up. Slowly. He looked around, thinking which way the bathroom suddenly was. He yawned and stammered his way there.

All he could think of... was the hot water hitting his face. It finally did after he waited for the temperature to warm up and he got out of his clothes. His thin body stayed under the water for some time. He finally thought of soap. As he smelled the sweet smell of Dove soap. it hit him. Molly wanted to get married. What a fool he'd been to think she hadn't thought on it more. It felt like a race now. He'd never thought of getting married as a race. Not until now.

He winced hard as he tried to move as fast as he could, but he just didn't seem to have the energy. Finally he got out and came back with the towel wrapped around his middle. But he saw Molly was asleep. She had her shoes off but she was in her work clothes.

Damn, if he hadn't wanted to nap with her. But he wasn't going to bother her. He cut the lights. He'd take what sleep he could get, but at least, he was in the buff. He always slept better in the buff.

it could be grand

2011-04-23T01:35:00.026-05:00

Puck could hardly think when he got home from work. It had been a long day, but he pulled out the frozen ground meat. He would make tacos tonight.

Just as he was getting the ground meat to cooking in the skillet, someone sneaked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"It must have been a good day." Puck smiled. It was comfort to know that Tess had a way of letting him know exactly how she felt. But then again, he thought she might be falling asleep on his back.

"Yes, it was." She strained to tell him in his ear, ever so quietly. She let go and he turned back to see her sleepy yawn. Perhaps, she was dreaming, already. "How do you feel about getting married next month?"

"Next month?" That was a little short notice. "Huh." He didn't want a long engagement. Exactly, but this was soon. "Really?"

"Yeah, I think I'm ready." She smiled with enthusiasm.

"OK." He'd be up for it too. He sighed as if to breath in her excitement. "What do you have planned?"

"Nothing." She stared at him.

"What do you want me to do?" He was puzzled. But happy.

"What do we do?" She winced.

"A marriage license? A church? Pastor?" He shrugged. "Just how big do you want to go?"

"Not that big." She told him. "How about the park? That could be free?"

"Maybe." He guessed.

"Well, I want a party, but not huge. A simple affair. You know, maybe just a cake. I'm not expecting gifts are anything." She smirked as if she would find a cheap way to have a wedding.

"OK." Puck nodded, but he knew people would give them things.

"I just want a wedding at the park. Anybody can come. It'll be in the Gazebo."

"Well, I'll see if I can call about it." He hoped it wasn't first come, first serve. Puck smiled. He wanted to kiss her, but the hamburger meat needed tending too. Perhaps he was multi-tasking, already.

say it ain't so

2011-04-19T17:03:00.001-05:00

Tess didn't even see Riley there, at first. That was his name? She winced, thinking now, she might have been wrong, maybe there was some other guy who looked like him. But he'd already started talking without her permission.

Something about him, seemed older. She couldn't think wiser. She had a few choice words for him under her breath, like numb nuts, but she couldn't say that. She wouldn't. He wasn't nearly as bright as she'd imagined, even when they did go on that so-called date, which ended up being an outing at a honky-tonk. She'd watched him play pool. He'd shuffled the two-step with her on the dance floor. He was a bit like dancing with a turtle. She remembered.

Of course, she knew what Molly was thinking. Right now. Oh, just another one of those jerks Tess had sex with. Well, he might have wanted that. Maybe even now. But as she edged that sly little smile of hers, hopefully he remembered how she kicked the crap out of him too. He was like wrestling a bear. But that was the most of it.

"Did you see my engagement ring?" She practically shoved it in his face.

"Is that what that is?" He winced as if he couldn't see much to it. "Don't this guy know, what a real engagement ring is suppose to look like?"

Tess seethed instantly. He would not touch her. No way.

"Its an air-loom." She explained. "And I love it." She shot him a look.

"You don't say?" He looked her over as if he were looking for signs of age. Something to disgust him. "When's the wedding?"

"This summer." She decided. Maybe they'd do it like the Royals. Announce it and be married in two months tops. Possibly.

"I didn't think you were the marrying kind." His eyes so bright... almost made it hard for her snap back at him.

"Well, I've kissed my share of toads and frogs." She shrugged, hugging herself then. "Finally found one worth keeping."

"What about that rich dude? You were going to marry?" His serious sad eyes looked at her as if he'd take her away if she said the right words.

"He wasn't that rich." She smirked. "But really not my kind at all. You see, I've found my best friend. Maybe if you start thinking like that Riley, you just might find you, somebody." Tess backed away before she said anything that might taint her bit of wisdom she shared with him. "Oh, and Molly, she's just as good as being married. She's got a baby now."

"Really?" Riley looked shocked. He was trying his best to catch a glimpse of Molly's silhouette.

Tess almost laughed. She just nodded. Perhaps Riley got what he came for. He was out the door now.

open season

2011-04-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

Was he coming on to her? Was he? Molly was too tired to even care, but the Jake Gyllenhaal guy had been close to the circulation desk most of the afternoon.

"Don't encourage him." Tess whispered in her ear as she edged Molly to the other end of the desk at the children's area. Sometimes, that counter felt like miles.

"I'm not." Molly sighed as she looked over her shoulder. Those sleepy big eyes of his, looking at her as if she dangled any conversation in front of him, he'd chew on it an extra fifteen minutes.

"Its probably just spring fever." Tess rolled her eyes, keeping her voice low.

"What are you talking about?" Molly winced, but Tess had a young patron to take care of who was really into a stack of Curious George books. Molly stood there far away from the Jake doppelganger with her arms crossed. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Well, of course, there was. Something in science fiction, no doubt. He'd read some thing, some time ago, but he couldn't remember the title. Molly just wanted him to go away. "Maybe the reference librarian could help you." Molly did her best to shoo him that direction. She turned to Tess who wasn't busy now. "What about Spring Fever?" Molly wanted to know. Was that an actual disease or just mono?

"Oh, he dates about once a year." Tess shrugged.

"Really?" Molly gave her a dead stare. "And just how do you know this?"

"It doesn't matter, OK." Tess winced.

"You and him?" Molly scowled.

"He was desperate." Tess sucked in a breath. She grabbed a DVD to clean. She had to look busy.

"Were you?" Molly gave her a small round frown of disapproval.

"God, does he even know I exist?" Tess made light of it. "It was over two years ago."

Molly turned away from her, went back to the office behind the glass, but when she turned around. Obviously, some one did remember. He was inches away from Tess now. Maybe he was just waiting to get her alone.

looking back at the future

2011-04-05T23:12:00.000-05:00

God, what he'd give for a cigarette. Truly, who would have thought to have left Sal alone with a baby? He was floundering here.

Yes, for the first two days Puck was right there with him, showing him how the pampers taped on. Just like Kramer had told them. How the temperature was just right with the formula by testing it on the wrist. Honestly, Puck was a lot better at this, than him. Sal watched how Puck held the infant. All so loving and like a real dad would.

Oh, he was having a breakdown of sorts. He needed a cry on the front steps. Only Dez had beat him to it. Not on the steps but in his crib. Sal shivered. That kid had a set of lungs, all right. He paced a bit pulling his curly of hair practically out of his head.

He just didn't know if he could take it. But there the child went again, laying on his back in the bare crib. So many things he had to worry about. He went over and looked at Dez, his round mouth opened red, blaring like no tomorrow. There were little mittens on his hands, he wanted to claw himself, Sal supposed

Sal pressed his lips tight. If only Puck were here. Or Molly. She was good at this too. She loved to watch Dez sleep. Soon as she'd get in bed, immediately, Dez seemed to noticed.

"Oh, baby, you've been changed, you've been fed. I burped you twice." Sal was deep in his baby woe sorrows. He'd even danced around with Dez along with a little singing "Raspberry Beret." But to no avail, just a cry. A helpless cry prevailed.

"All right. All right ..allright allright.." His teeth clenched. Finally he got up the nerve to pick the baby up, ever so clumsily. He was afraid he might drop him right there on the mattress. "What can I do..what will I do?" He knew cigarette would have to wait. He'd promised to quit. He was. Some day.

So Sal held the baby close to him. "You are a doll." He did his best to keep his tone sweet. "If only you were, but you're not."

He kept staring at him as he made his way to the couch and sprawled out about the cushions with him and turned on the TV, looking for something good. Finally, OPRAH. "Lady, please save me." He muttered as he noticed Dez was starting to calm in his arms.

Sal sighed.

"You're much to young to watch OPRAH. This is her last season, then what? Hmmm, what will you watch? Soap operas? They're ending ALL MY CHILDREN. Then what? We won't have a thing to watch at lunch, now will we? Its a horrifying world out there, little fellow."

Dez's lips made a mouth move as if he were sucking. And then the baby farted so loud. Sal couldn't believe it. You would have thought he was holding a football player. Dez could definitely pass gas. Sal laughed to the point that his whole body shook.

"Yes," Sal smiled. "You are my son. Truly, you are." Sal smiled, watched a little of OPRAH, but really it was Dez he watched.

the quiet game

2011-04-02T10:11:00.000-05:00

"You're being so quiet." Molly mentioned to Tess, days later. "Are you all right?"

"What's wrong with being quiet?" There was no need to be the center of attention when the number one priority seemed to be the baby right now. "Things are fine."

"But you seem distant. Why? Don't you like babies?" Molly cornered her in the breakroom.

Tess hesitated. She hugged herself then. She wanted to turn it all around. Question Molly about how she felt about baby Dez. Could she actually handle it?

"I suppose." Tess shrugged. She just never thought of having a home-life like that. It was one to be watched on TV in thirty minute intervals. Not this, not being awaken at two in the morning, just to bump into each other about who was feeding the infant. "It takes some getting used to." Couldn't she have some time to getting used too?

"But Puck, he's..." Molly couldn't help but smile. "He's in love with that baby. Its just a matter of time. He wants one."

Tess gave her a hard look. As if she hadn't noticed. She sighed then. She didn't want to talk about this. It was as if it was demanded of her now.

"Well, first comes marriage, you know." Tess informed Molly. "I want to be married, first. See if we .." She didn't know what she wanted to see.

A part of her felt as if she were clay and he'd molded her into something she was certainly not. But she didn't want to look back. There was nothing there that wanted her. And she could only see a part of herself playing the part. What if she couldn't do it? What if he figured out, how damaged she was? Then what? Tess didn't want to be sucked into hopelessness.

There was the factor of thinking they needed to be alone. To work toward whatever it was they were working toward. A life together. Of course, it had been her idea for him to take in Sal and Molly. Seriously, she felt as if were leading a double life. But that other one was dead. And she couldn't let those ghosts haunt her. She couldn't let Puck down now.

the price you pay

2011-03-28T15:24:00.000-05:00

"Are you sure we have everything you need for a baby?" Puck was walking around as if he were clueless, what do first. He'd gone out and got bottles of distilled water for formula.

"I think you have a knack for it." Tess sighed. She looked back at him while she was getting dishes washed from the last snack everyone had to have, banana and peanut-butter sandwiches.

"I don't know what to do." He was about to panic.

"Its not even your kid, OK." She looked at him as if he was stressing for nothing.

"I know that. Its-its being prepared. That's all. The house has to be baby proofed. I'm not ready for this." He looked scared.

"You've got time. Seriously. Not like he's going hop out of the bassinet and come scare you in the middle of the night." Tess went about her business, rinsing and so on.

"God, do things like that happen?" Puck stared at her as if they had a cobra on the lose in the house.

"Relax." She came over and put a hand over his shoulder. "You're doing fine."

"How do you know? You've never had a baby?" He looked at her. "Have you?" He winced, then.

"I may have done a lot of things." Tess sighed then. "But I haven't robbed a bank and I haven't had a baby."

Puck tried to laugh, but these were two serious things, and he really hoped Tess didn't rob a bank, anytime soon. "But..but you're OK with kids, right?"

"I guess. I just don't think of having one of my own, anytime soon, but you know, every now and then I'll see someone at the library and think, I could do worlds better than they could with a kid."

"So..so this'll be good practice, right?" He felt optimistic. He grinned then. He'd be a fantastic uncle, wouldn't he? Puck nursed his bottom lip. It wasn't like he had to be on call twenty-four hours a day about the baby. It was, after all, Sal's kid. But then again, who was going to baby Sal? He looked at Tess, thinking it would take all three of them to help Sal.

"Maybe, maybe you should go over with me again about those Pampers they wear." Puck nodded.

"But aren't they going green?" Tess asked.

"They just have what the hospital gave them." Puck went to his laptop then to look up reusable diapers. He studied how expensive one reusable diaper was. At least 20 bucks. He wondered just how many diapers a baby lived on. He gave up. "Well, its not my job." He knew it was a lot of money to raise a baby. He just didn't know how much until he saw the price of diapers.

like the first time

2011-03-22T22:30:00.000-05:00

"I could take off a few days." Molly wondered if she could even sleep tonight. Thankfully, Puck had called for a pizza delivery. It was strange how they'd all gathered around a baby to watch him sleep.

"You don't have to do that." Sal sighed, and for a moment Molly wasn't sure who she was talking too. He was different. Not his silly self, but this serious person who was determined, even if he did look a little lost and even teary eyed.

"But I want to help, I do." She promised, giving him a hug. Thankfully, not even a little question from him, asking if she had any fun with Jory. "Are you tired? Do you need some rest?"

Sal gave her an open smile and shook his head.

"You need to eat something." She took his hand and brought him to the kitchen. The baby would be fine. Kramer was with him. It felt as if someone had to be on watch, all the time.

Sal stared at his plate of sausage pizza for the longest time. It was already cold, but he took a bite. Then left the huge slice on the plate.

"I'm not hungry," he said and crawled up on the couch.

"What is it?" Molly had never seen Sal give up pizza of any kind. He ate it like a hungry dog, usually.

"I dunno." He tried to laugh, but he burst in tears. "God, I must be an idiot." His frown got the best of him. "I can't even imagine..how you're feeling right now..about all this...I can't..I can't ask you..." He gasped then. "You need to just get away from all this. I don't want to put you through this. You must hate me."

Molly shook her head, no. She scooted in next to him. Before she knew it, his head was in her lap. She combed her fingers through his hair. Well, Sal was her baby. Dezi would just have to come to understand that.

the circles made

2011-03-18T01:42:00.040-05:00

He was so small. And to be such a controversy. It still left Sal speechless as he held the baby.

It didn't seem real. They'd left him in the hospital for so long and still all this un-decisiveness.

"Infections are rampant here, you know." Kramer told him. They were going to take him home. First Michelle wanted him. Then when the truth came out, how the baby wasn't who he was suppose to be. Thanks to good old Kramer. Of course, if one looked at him, you knew no way he could belong to anyone else by Sal. Dark hair. The darkest eyes.

"Its that dark Irish, isn't it?" Sal made light of it now. Almost with a laugh. All Sal needed to do was sign the papers. Stay clear of him, give him to a good home. Maybe. It was down to that. Michelle had chosen to give him up. After all, she was someone's widow. Sal didn't understand it, but he guessed it would just be him now.

"It was the right choice, wasn't it?" He felt so under-rated for the job, but Kramer kept telling him, he could do it. It was his right, and if he gave it up, well..he'd regret it..some day.

So, he took the trip. Kramer drove. At least Kramer had the car-seat. He was prepared. All these things his own children had used that he'd kept.

Of course, when Molly had called, he just wasn't sure what to tell her, but the truth. And she was so quiet. He was pretty sure she wouldn't be there when they arrived, but she surprised him. It was all a little dizzy now as he thought about it.

Everyone, rushing in to help. Watching all four of them stare at the little thing in his crib.

"Are you going to name him?" Tess wanted to know.

"Yeah, I think I will." Sal finally sighed. "I'd like to keep it short, you know, but he needs a good name. Dezmon Kramer, or just Dez. Dezi, I guess." It made him happy to think of his son, with that name. He felt honest about the name. He supposed, he'd better call in, tell them, he'd be off a few weeks. Get this parenting down. After all, it was his job to track down dead beat dads. He wasn't going to be one of them.

the good and the bad

2011-03-16T01:47:00.072-05:00

Tess didn't know what to do with herself. She stayed for the longest time leaning against the full length mirror in the restroom. She studied her finger-nails. They were pathetic. She needed to take vitamins. Finally she gave way with a sigh. What was she trying to do here? How could she just walk in on Jory? As if he'd listen to a word she said.

It finally hit her, how drained she was. How she should be asleep, right now. She wanted to go home and get in her comfy flannel pajammas and crash. She tired not to think what Jory saw when he looked at her. She was not that person, she told herself. She was not. Yet deep down, she knew she could be. Still.

There were just certain things she had to live with, with herself over the years. She might have been twenty-three, but had seen enough in her life to be forty-three. She'd taken care of mother when she was small. But then again, they'd told her, she was her sister. That she was just a little liar. She didn't believe the truth. There were a lot of things she'd been told. But she never believed any of it. She knew what she saw. She did what she did out of survival.

Even in first grade, she knew she wasn't like other girls. And if she knew what was good for her, she'd better keep her mouth shut. They knew she was different too. Dirty, gritty skin. Hair that had been killed by dye her mother would try first on her, to see if she liked it while Tess went hungry, all along. But then again, she never knew exactly what happy was. And if she had it, did she deserve it.

She wasn't even sure now. Tess let the tears flood her face. She could not see anything good come of her. Still. But this really wasn't about her and if she didn't think about herself..everything would be OK.

She splashed her face with warm water. It was time to wake up. Go on. And she would. So she made it through quietly, not saying a word to anyone.

"What's the matter?" Molly asked on the way home.

"Nothing." Tess shook her head, wondering what there was at home to eat. But Puck took care of that. He had something in the crock pot.

"Sal's brother came by." Puck told both of them. He'd done the laundry. Tess looked around the place. Puck went to town with the cooking and household stuff. "Kramer took Sal to the hospital."

"What? To the psych ward?" Tess wondered how long he'd be there.

"Psych ward?" Molly looked at them both serious. "What happened?"

"It was nothing." Tess winced. She plopped against the couch as if she needed some place to take refugee.

"No. Sal..Sal went to see the baby." Puck nodded.

"He did?" Molly questioned as she went to put her stuff away and make a phone call.

"Look, you've got some mad skills, when it comes to taking care of people. Why aren't you a nurse? You could even be a doctor." Puck told Tess as he scooted in next to her.

"I wouldn't have the energy for it." Tess sighed.

"You should think about it." He put his arm around her.

Tess nodded. She slightly smiled. It was funny, she thought now, how he had a way of making her believe it true. Tess bit her bottom lip. Maybe she could be that good.

Walking away like it's nothing

2011-03-14T01:48:00.053-05:00

Jory kept staring at his face in the mirror of the staff bathroom. He looked pretty normal, didn't he? He thought so. He wanted to be. But he didn't know anymore. Not after his night with Molly. It had gone wrong. So wrong, he now thought. He wasn't even sure he could face her today. He'd been hiding since he'd gotten to the library.

Now he was just angry with himself. He really thought it was going to happen. This time. She seemed to want to. He did love her. He really did. His mouth went sad now. Jory washed his hands once more. He knew he had to get out there. Just face this head on. Or..or forget about it. Like he didn't even try to make love to her. Like it never happened.

As soon as he opened the door, someone pushed him right back in to the rest room and locked the door behind her. Tess.

"What?" He winced, backed up against the wall. Instantly, he was afraid. He didn't like to be this close to Tess. It was terribly uncomfortable. He looked at her in the full length mirror next to him. He could see her profile. And a far away thought came to him of her, of a different time and place. He almost choked, thinking it couldn't happen again. It couldn't.

"What did you freak'n do?" She was so against him. Her index find pressed into his chest. If felt as if she'd taken a nail to grind him into the wall.

"Just don't touch me!" He fought back then and pushed her away. He tried to keep his voice low. "God, knows, you're the freakest freak of them all!" He gritted then as he turned away from her and hugged himself as he walked toward the commode.

Tess just sighed. "Is that all you remember about me?"

Jory took a deep breath. He bit his bottom lip. Something had to be wrong with her. He thought now. Who would go down on someone in a car at a drive-in movie? They'd never spoken of it. And there was no drive-in movie theater, anymore. That was years ago. He had to wonder what she'd gone through as kid.

"Look, I don't want to be in the restroom with you." He sighed.

"God." Tess sighed. "Look, Molly really needs a friend right now."

"Well, I don't think I can be ..that friend, OK." He looked back at her.

"Sal's putting her through hell right now, and that's all you got?" Tess gave him a stern look.

Jory just nodded.

Tess rolled her eyes. "Just go then." She got behind the door. Opened it quickly and shut it right behind him. Jory had a feeling she'd never say another word to him, but then again, he thought that the last time he'd seen her too.

coming clean

2011-03-11T23:05:00.000-06:00

Sal stared blankly at Puck. "Funny, I thought all those cold meds would make me feel better. I think I've actually got a cold now." His throat felt dry and raw and he didn't think he could budge from the bed. He was in one of Puck's flannel robes, with little airplane designs on them. Sal doubted Puck had won this robe since elementary school.

Puck had already called work. They were both playing hookie today.

"We need to make you an appointment." Puck told him. He was dressed in something that wasn't work coveralls. He looked spiffy in his red plaid hoodie over The Who T-shirt that Tess had given him at Christmas.

"An appointment for what?" Sal stared at Puck as if he had no idea for what reason.

"So." Puck hesitated before he lost it. He closed his eyes, and sighed. "So you can figure out what the hell is wrong with you!"

"I'm not going to the fucking doctor!" Sal pouted. "Besides they'll just give me pills, I don't need their fuck'n pills." He scowled.

"What was that last night? You were taking pills!" Now Puck was losing it with that angst dance of his, as if he were fighting to keep in step.

"No, I wasn't. There was some Nyquil, and...and..."

"Just stop it! Stop being a stupid shit! AND TELL ME. Sal, what's going on?" Puck glared at him.

Sal looked away. He sighed. "Dunno what to do." He shook his head, with a bit of a shaky manner. "My life is shit, OK. And..and I don't know what to do. I can't get out of it. Can't make Mol's life any better." His throat felt so raw. He needed water before he choked.

"Well, that's nothing new, now is it?" Puck said so bitterly. "Give me details, will you?"

"Its complicated." Sal shut his eyes tight. "God, I don't know where to start. I really don't." He felt as if he were breaking down, all over again. It felt so set in stone. The truth. But not the real truth. But the forgotten truth. "See, when..when 'Shell..found out about the baby, she'd just married that fucking Army shit, just to piss me off. And..and she tells me, you know, lays down the law, that I'm never to breathe a word of it. About me and her. Cause, you know, I'd blacked out..." He sighed. "I was told, that this baby was not mine. It would never be mine. But some how this husband of her's, finally saw what she was. And then the annulment didn't get through. She had the papers, but she kept this act up with his family that..they were great, you know. I know she did. And she kept going on how this kid was his. Now I have my brother, who..fuck'n cares too much." Sal felt sick again. "Then...well, to make things worse, her husband was killed in a roadside bomb." Sal breathed in and out. "All his family wants the baby to be this junior now. And..and I just have to let that go, you know. I thought I was fine with it. But I'm not. I'm not Puck. I'm not fine with that fucking lie, Puck."

Sal felt so cold, as if a poison in the air was making me him sick. He felt his teeth chatter which made his body shake more. He gritted hard, but it would not stop.

not quite a new day

2011-03-08T18:03:00.000-06:00

That look. Tess was bound to know. She did. Molly assumed it, the instant their eyes locked in the breakroom. The library hadn't even opened yet, and they were waiting for the tea kettle to whistle.

"So, did you have fun last night?" Tess asked.

"You know." Tess shrugged, not wanting to get into it with her. Molly couldn't look at Tess or she'd know about Jory.

Molly got her cup ready. She ripped the LEMON LIFT tea bag out of its wrapper. She really didn't know what she could say. "It was just Jory." Even so, little nerves short through here. She felt nausea and a bad ache in her throat. Of course, she hadn't even eaten breakfast. She'd left Jory's before he even got up.

Yes, it was suppose to be revenge sex. She guessed, with a big sigh now as she thought on it. And really, she didn't think Jory would go through with it. She cringed at the thought, but maybe Sal was right about him, all along. Sal never thought Jory was that gay.

She wanted to think it was the cheap couch in the livingroom that made her not want to go through with it. It was rather stop and start. "I can't. Not here." Anyone could have walked in to his apartment, she imagined. But there were three locks on the door and Jory lived alone. So, they'd moved to the bedroom. And it was really quite comfortable, for sleep, not sex. They kissed. It just didn't feel right. She got moody. Because, all she could think of were those eyes of Sal's, looking at her. So sad.

But she'd roll into Jory who still had on his red T and nothing else under the blanket. It started to happen even if were quite clumsy and her nose crashed into his. His lips were foreign to her, giving her a razor burn. She kept studying him. He was the most baby faced guy she knew, but there felt like a sword on his upper lip.

The threat of taking that step out of one life..into another. Finally. She winced hard. Everything undone. Clothes on the floor. The bed might as well been burning with heat. "I can't! I just can't!" Molly crawled back into her clothes. Exited to the livingroom. Alone. Such a ridiculous moment she guessed. She'd slept on the lumpy couch or at least tried too.

She looked sadly at Tess now. If only, she'd wanted it badly enough, she might have had a good night's rest, but no she tossed and turned thinking of Sal and what he might be doing. Still, she didn't call. She didn't have the nerve to call.

"I think you should stay another night with Jory. Maybe the whole week." Tess woke Molly back to reality.

"What? No. Why would I do that?" Molly winced as she watched Tess pour the hot water in the cups.

"It might do you both some good." Tess shrugged.

"What happened?" Molly looked at Tess who was playing with the tea bag, letting it dance about.

"I just think Sal needs another night by himself." Tess told her as she got out some honey for her tea and squirted some in Molly's, as well. Molly just watched the syrup swrill around in the hot tea. It was there and then it wasn't. A lot like Jory. She winced, thinking about him. Wondering what he was doing right now. But then thoughts of Sal came more clear to her.

"No. No. I'm coming home. I shouldn't have..have gone to Jory's in the first place." A chill came around her. Impossible to shake. As much as she knew she could count on Jory. It would just never be like that. It just couldn't be. She felt so nausea now. She wasn't even sure she should be here.

like an avelanche

2011-03-06T01:35:00.000-06:00

Puck could barely figure out what was going on. After all, he was not used to this kind of world. For a second there he thought he might have been plunged into the deep end of the ocean. Yet he felt so alive but remained in quite a deep sleep, after awhile.

But when he felt for Tess, on her side of the bed. She was no longer there. Puck could still feel the heat of her left like an aura of some kind. Maybe heavenly. He bit his lip trying not to get to happy about it. He got up, pulled on his flannel pants. What was going on? Where was she? It was the dead of night. Soon enough, he heard her. Her words came like thunder behind the bathroom door.

He pushed it open further, saw the blood on bathroom tiles first thing. He stood there, practically unconscious. Watching Tess fight with a limp body sprawled on the bathroom floor.

"Wake up! You fucking asshole!" She screamed at Sal. Slapping him about to wake him. "All right! Don't wake up, for all I care. I don't want you too! Molly is better off! she's not coming back for you! Nobody wants you! NOBODY!" She was angry as she shook him and pulled him around in her lap.

"What are you doing?" Puck kept calm. "Have you done this before? Have ever seen him like this?" He waited, but she had no time for answers. "Well, do you want me to call 911?" Puck slightly shook with a cold chill. Thinking it was impossible to find his phone now.

"Go ahead." She just said as he walked off.

He was back in his bedroom when he heard the vomiting. He walked back to bathroom. She had Sal's head over the toilet. She held him while Sal made a noise as if he might be a lost animal. He panted slightly. It was not a pleasant sight.

"Do you still want me to call?" He looked at both of them as if this wasn't exactly like taking care of a sick dog.

"He'll be OK." She stayed with him as Sal floundered in her arms as if he might not be completely human, after all. "If we call. The cops will come. They'll ask questions. Sal might lose his job. And he can't afford that right now, can you?" She grabbed him by his lower jaw and turned him toward her.

Sal squinted hard. His face was wet. He looked pretty sick.

"Turn on that shower." She ordered Puck.

Puck did as he was told. He guessed she knew what she was doing. Saving Sal, evidently. He turned on the hot water. He got it warm for Sal.

"Do you do this...a lot?" He helped her with Sal. They scrubbed him with Ivory soap. Even his curls were drenched and suds as if they did this at three in the morning, every morning.

"Not really. Not anymore." She was matter of fact about it. She didn't seem to mind the blood or the vomit. They were wet themselves by the time they got Sal dried and bandaged. She kept him awake as they got him back in bed. Tess made some strong tea and honey.

"Do you think he's all right?" Puck wasn't sure. Sal looked so out of it.

"He's never been all right." She sighed.

"I'll stay up with him." He thought she'd done enough. She poured some bleach on the bathroom floor and cleaned that up too. It wasn't too messy. But kind of. "You don't think he lost too much blood?"

"Not really, he was only checking out the medicine cabinet." There were bottles of other cold meds on the floor.

Puck wasn't expecting this.

"What happened?" He winced.

"You'll just have to ask." Tess was indifferent. She took his hand, wanting him to take a shower with her now. He shook his head, no. He meant what he said. He was staying up with Sal even if he felt he was in a blanket of goosebumps.

coming undone

2011-03-03T11:22:00.000-06:00

Sal laid there. Still as possible in the cold bed. He could hear them in the next room. A slight scowl over took him. It was a bit disgusting how thin these walls were. He could only hope Tess didn't let out a scream of ecstasy.

She just might.

He thought he might need to take a shit. No. He let out a loud fart as he rolled to his side. He smiled then as if maybe that would shut them up. It didn't.

He felt back for Molly's pillow. Sal squeezed it tight trying to breathe in Molly's sweet scent. He didn't want to lose her, but he knew it was happening. It was probably happening, right now.

Funny, how it was so slow. This world. A life gathering itself to effect everyone. Everyone around him. He breathed in tears then. He felt as if he'd been dusted with snow that would not melt. He cringed then.

He did not want to see that baby. He did not.

Honestly, Sal had put it out of his mind for some time now. It would not be happening. He first decide. There was just this small chance. Why did it have to be MICHELLE?

His eyes burned with tears. He fought them bitterly, but what good would that do now?

He never talked to her anymore. He didn't want to know her. He just stayed away from her because they were so bad for each other. She said he made her drink. He made her want to do bad things. Go off the deep end. It was exactly the same way he felt about her.

And then there was Molly. It was like grabbing for the golden ring that just wouldn't let go of the past, completely. He was making himself sick on the inside. He was really sick of everything. He truly was. But how, how was he to go on now. He needed Molly. He needed her so much.

He was congested, suddenly. He could hardly breathe. It felt as if he were in a tomb of some sort. Stuck perhaps. Frozen. Was that his problem? Not really feeling what he was suppose to feel.

Sal drug himself out of bed. His thin bony body in his black boxers. He managed to the bathroom. First he looked for some cold meds. He downed the Nyquil. It burned his throat, but in a good way. Still he stammered back, saw the razer below the shower head. He squinted hard, biting his lip. He wouldn't do it? Would he?

Sal waited. Patiently for this thought to clear. But it didn't. He stared at the disposable razer. There was rust on it. He picked it up. It was amazing how these quicky razer didn't last long, at all. Didn't he just use this one? It was pink. It was Molly's.

He grinned then, thinking of her hairy legs. She might as well have been a vegan goddess with hairy arm pits too. He gasped with a bubble of happiness. He loved that thought. But he did like to shave her legs. Sal remembered. He was sad once, again.

He sniffed then. He had a clear head as he studied the head of the razer in his hand. How in the fuck was he gonna make this work? He festered his mouth with a bit of painful disgust. But he sat down on the commode lid to have a moment to himself. He nursed his bottom lip for sometime. Waiting. Waiting..waiting...He grazed his lower side with the instrument. Thinking it wasn't sharp enough..but a slip of blood serficed so slightly, like ink on a canvass.

Sal started to laugh, carefully. He sucked in a breath. It was nothing. Barely a scratch. Maybe he should do it, again.

a slow thought

2011-03-01T08:36:00.000-06:00

"You're worried?"

Tess was sure Puck only said that because she said, "I'm worried."

His stare stayed with her as she paced the kitchen, looking for a snack in the fridge and then not finding one. She dried a dish instead. Finally, she leaned there at the kitchen counter while he was looking through the Mother Earth News. Now he wasn't even doing that.

"So?" More questions. He winced slightly as if she should tell him exactly what was going on.

"What if Molly doesn't come home?" She whispered more of a truth than a question as she came to the kitchen table and was closer.

Puck gave a slight shrug. It was going on after eleven, at night.

"We're going to be stuck with him." She kept her voice low as she pointed to the livingroom even if Sal was in his room.

"Remember it was your idea that they move in." He took her hand, pulled her in to his lap. "We'll just deal with it...if it comes to that."

She thought she might be frigid to his touch, but she wasn't. There was no time to think about it. No second thought that she shouldn't be this close. They were close. But the boundaries seemed to be slipping. At least at the moment. She caught her breath, when she felt his lips on the crux of her neck and shoulder. His arms wrapped around her. She couldn't help but smile. Evidently, they weren't going to discuss Sal nor Molly. They were not that couple.

Still she didn't want to see Molly make a mistake. She couldn't make a mistake with Jory. She couldn't. Because first of all, Molly was not Tess.

She turned to Puck then. Met his lips. It did feel as if she were sinking into some thing with him. It was warm and good. She just had to let it happen. She had too.

far far away

2011-02-26T22:48:00.000-06:00

Jory was listening. Hanging on to every word Molly said.

There was a time when they hung out. Constantly. They'd gone to prom together. He'd taken her to her very last dance at school. And she was a princess in a strapless red dress. Thats the way he wanted it to be. Still.

Unfortunately, there was that other guy in the picture. Just a friend she said then. Just a friend.

Of course, he was crushed when Sal started seeing Molly. Really seeing her. There was no dating. He stuck to her like a magnet. And she let him. He always knew Sal was jealous of what Jory had with Molly. Always would be. Always.

He stared at Molly intently, there at the end of the night at closing time in the library. Alone now. He'd cut the lights.

"I don't think...seeing this Jake Gyllenhaal guy is the answer." Jory told her. He'd looked at this dude, before. Seen him around the library, fixing doors and air conditioners. He smelled like a machine, an old one at that. This gave Jory a bad taste in his mouth. He could not let her make, another mistake. "Do not go out with him."

"I haven't even broken up with Sal, you know." She grabbed her bag as if she had to go.

"Right." They'd gone through this on occasion, how she'd think she'd broke up with Sal, and she could do what ever she wanted. Then she'd wake up and realize it was just talk, a dream...nothing. "Maybe..maybe you just need a night away from him."

"I couldn't." But she looked so tired and troubled.

"You could." He shrugged as if it wouldn't be a problem. He got out his cell and dialed Tess. No need to text. He'd just have to think of something.

"Hey, Mol and I are gonna hang out. Maybe..." He stared back at Molly. "Maybe, all night."

He didn't really listen to what Tess said. Just silly stuff really.

"What? She gets a girl's night out, without me?" Tess was her usual self.

"Yes, I'm afraid so." He cut her off before she made another joke. He went over and put his arm around her as if she was his oldest friend in the world. Maybe he really was. "Come on, lets get chocolate chip mint ice cream and watch Vampire Diaries."

Molly didn't say much. At least he didn't live far. Didn't even have a car. She always gave him a lift home, anyway.

not much of a tale

2011-02-22T22:39:00.000-06:00

"Well?" Sal was dying to know what went down. "You two in a motel room. Alone." He was almost a clown with delirium. Of course, it wasn't much fun smoking alone.

There Puck was with his hands shoved deep in his gray hoodie over his dark gray coveralls.

"Maybe its not about the sex." Puck sighed with a laugh. "We just enjoyed ...each others company."

"Look." Sal was getting ancy as he toyed with his cigarette. He came closer dancing about with a fit he needed to put a rest too. He finally lit the cigarette and practically blew smoke in Puck's face. "The longer you wait, the more you stagnate in the friend zone."

The cigarette calmed his nerves ever so slightly.

"You two had the place to yourselves." Puck shrugged as if that had to count for something.

"Well, it would have been OK. If you two weren't on someones mind. The entire time, practically." Sal sucked on the cigarette and let out the smoke as if he might be nervous about something. "I finally had to get out some Prince Caspin book and read myself to sleep. Read half the book, actually." He sighed then as if maybe it was an entire waste of time.

"Sorry." Puck sighed. "I'll remember to call next time."

"So there will be a next time?" Sal gave Puck a sly grin.

"See! That's why I don't want to call. Because, god knows what might be going on in your head." Puck glared back at Sal who'd smoked the cigarette as quickly as he could just to light another.

"I want you to get more than lucky with her." Sal smiled. "I heard she's pretty good in the sack."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Don't make her sound like a prostitute." Now Puck was furious with him.

"I'm pretty sure she does it for free." Sal was all grins.

Puck wouldn't take anymore of this. He rammed Sal into the cold hard wall ready to strangle him. He pulled the lit cigarette out of his mouth and stomped it on the floor. Finally he let go and walked away from Sal who wasn't going to dare ask any questions.

the humdrum

2011-02-19T12:00:00.000-06:00

"I'm just trying to understand it." Molly swirled her straw in the thick smoothie that she'd gotten on her lunch break with Tess. They were away from work so they were making the most of it. But she was picturing it, in her head. Tess and Puck, together in a motel room. Drinking alcohol. First thought, they were playing a game of whiskey shots. See who could out last the other before their vision blurred into oblivion.

"Well, what did you want us to do? Get a DUI? I didn't want Puck to get arrested." Tess winced.

"So, you just left Sal and me on our own to worry about you two." Molly fretted slightly. Possibly, she was making more of it than it really was. So what, Tess nor Puck would pick up on their cell.

"Sorry. Was that so awful?" Tess squinted hard as she took a spoonful of her broccoli cheese soup.

"Was it fun?" Molly couldn't help but ask.

"I guess. We just got some sparkling wine. Had a roasted chicken. Mashed potatoes. The works from Baker's." Tess almost laughed then. "It was. I dunno. He's a sweet guy."

Molly tried her best not to glare back in envy. Things were not perfect with her and Sal. There were the little things that annoyed her about him, but then again, who else could put up with his craziness. One moment he could be a very old man thinking the worst of life and how bad his own had been growing up with a single Mom who left him on his own a lot and then he could suddenly start talking about how happy they could be, some day. Just not today.

"Don't you like the shoes?" Tess reminded her of the gift she'd given her.

"Yeah. They're adorable." Molly sighed, wondering if she'd ever wear them. As it was, she lived in a world where she wore flats, everyday. These were shoes made for a special occasion. There were no real special occasions in her life.

Why did she feel she was falling deeper in the quicksand of her nature? She nursed her creamy strawberry drink then. She knew it wasn't a terrible life, but would there ever be anything amazing about it?

crazy happy

2011-02-16T19:37:00.000-06:00

Tess sighed as she walked down the rows of shoes. She turned back to Puck. Laughter filled her up. This was the craziest Valentines day ever.

All he'd asked was a simple question. "What would you really like?"

She could have taken him to the expensive mall. He wouldn't have minded. She'd even thought of taunting him at Victoria Secrets, but she didn't want to be that naughty. What was the next best thing? Well, shoes of course.

They were at Target.

"Are you sure this will do?" He didn't sound confident as if he'd already let her down.

"Yes, this is perfect." She wanted to be out of these heavy army boots. She'd trudged enough this winter in the snow.

Immediately, she found the gold wedges. Something perfect for, some place warmer than here. She wanted them so she grabbed the box.

"Are you going to put on a style show, sometime soon?" He asked even if he were still far away. Almost in the children's department.

"Possibly." She almost winked. Such precious rope wedges, she sighed. Then she looked up to see the peeped toed pumps. They had these here? Why didn't she find them sooner? She'd been here months ago and there wasn't anything slightly runway status. Now they had peeped toed cuffed booties. And now there was a cool platform boot she'd seen all the models wearing on those websites she scanned, sometimes. She bit her lip. Did she see the word CLEARANCE? She thought she might pass out.

"Whats wrong?" He finally came closer.

"Nothing." She smiled.

"I see you found more than just a pair." He noticed.

She bit her bottom lip.

"Looks like we're in luck." He slightly teased as he grabbed the boxes of size 8. She stared at him. How did he know what size she wore? She really hated to even admit she was size 8, but Molly's feet were bigger. No way was she sharing any of these shoes with her. He took several boxes to the bench with him where she needed to try them on. She looked back at the pink strappy toed sandals. She guessed she should bring at least a pair to Molly.

unraveling the seams

2011-02-14T02:41:00.045-06:00

Was this it? All Valentines day might have to offer?

He seriously felt he'd intruded a family gathering, but both Sal and Mol had insisted that Puck and Tess should come.

Maybe Molly was right. Her mother had brought a guest. A blast from the past. Stevie, her old beau was home. Molly was dreadfully playful with Sal and of course, he ate it up, as if Sal were a happy puppy that couldn't get enough of her attention.

Puck looked at Tess who kept looking at the Chinese year place mats.

"So what do you want to do for Valentines day?" He whispered as he put his arm behind her on her chair.

"Nothing." Her words made his heart ache. That couldn't be true, could it?

"Do you even like chocolate?" He smiled.

She shrugged.

He looked at the group at the long table. Conversations varied from the weather to Justin Beiber actually staying in the presidential suite at a nearby hotel.

Soup finally came, but Puck kept looking at Tess as if he needed to do something. He was sort of hoping a lonesome signal of some kind that had to get them out of this mess. But she was silent as she went to her egg-drop soup. His was just too hot.

"What?" She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "You want me to find a date for you? Is that it?"

"No." This cracked him up. "Don't you know I want to be with you?"

Her spoon clinked as it hit the bottom of the bowel. She wiped her mouth clean and excused herself.

"Where are you going?" He winced.

"I need some fresh air." She didn't wait for him, but he followed. She stood there at the corner, as the sun shine hit her. She hugged herself in her brown jumper with her thin knit black and white stripped sweater underneath. The wind that blew over the snow bank was cold and bitter.

"I dunno if I can do..this with you." She shrugged.

"What? Exactly are we doing?" His shoulder next to hers, leaned more as if he could shield her from the cold.

"You know." She wouldn't say. "Look, I-I am not good enough for you."

"Why do you say that?" He looked her in the eye.

"I dunno." She shook her head.

"Well, you're sleeping with me." He thought that meant something.

"Yeah. So. I normally don't sleep with people I fuck with." She admitted.

He nursed the corner of his bottom lip.

"Are - are you still seeing him?" He guessed he could ask. Maybe he didn't know anything.

"No." She looked as if she might fall apart.

"Then what is it?" He wished she'd tell him everything.

"OK." She cleared her throat. "Dax was at the house one night."

"What?" Puck squinted hard. How would he not know this?

"It was before..you know, I started-" She looked as if she might lose it the cringe she made. "I - I didn't know. I was asleep."

"He was in the house? He was in my house?" Puck shook his head. Now he festered a frown of disgust. "I want to kill him. I want-"

"No. No, you're better than that." She grabbed his hand then. He felt her cold fingertips, he warmed her hands in his own then.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

She shook her head. He put his arm around her. She cried on his shoulder. Somehow, he had to make this Valentines day right. He would.

we try

2011-02-12T23:25:00.000-06:00

It was after dinner when Molly's cell vibrated. She got it in time. Her mother was calling.

It was about their little family outing. Everyone meeting for Chinese and she was sure to get her chocolate heart, along with a bag full of perfume, soap and a battery operated tooth brush with toothpaste to last the next six months.

"I dunno, Mom." She looked over to see that Sal was on his cell too. She nibbled her bottom lip as she watched him.

"What do you mean? Romeo isn't going to sweep you off somewhere and give you a diamond ring, now is he?" Her Mom's snide remark only made Molly frown more.

"All right, I'll meet you for lunch." She sighed. She looked around wondering what exciting things anybody else might be doing for this silly holiday.

"Good."

"Don't you dare think of setting me up." Molly's eyes sprang open as if her mother must be up for something. No way could she get Sal to go. He liked his alone time in bed on Sunday morning.

"Did I say that?" She was being mysterious. "He's not coming, right?"

"I dunno." She said quietly.

"We both know the answer to that." Her mother was sullen, but Molly promised she'd be there. She clicked off her cell just about the time he did. He'd been walking around in circles. He slid his cell in his back pocket, but then slip it out because it wasn't his old phone. She knew his habits. He put it on the end table in the livingroom and flopped next to her on the couch.

"So what's her plan?" He laid down then and put his head in her laps so he could watch TV and she could rub his head of dark curls.

"You know." She was mute about it. "Who was on the cell?"

"Kramer." He sighed.

"Well?" She was waiting.

"She's got a kid." He shrugged.

"Well, I didn't think she'd have a cat. Is it a boy or girl?" Molly wanted to know as she got her fingernails on his scalp.

"Ow." He let out. Then squinted hard. "A boy."

"What did she name him?" Molly wanted to know.

"Shit." Sal popped back up and scowled at Molly. "Those are dangerous fingernails."

She just gave him a dead stare.

"She named him something ordinary like James or David. Might have been both. I wasn't really listening." He shrugged.

"What are you going to do?" She thought he should do something.

"Nothing." He looked as if it was a pitiful situation. "She has Karmer. He loves all that dad stuff. Why do you think he's there? His wife won't let him have a thing to do with own, you know. Besides, you know how Michelle makes me feel all suicidal."

She looked at his wrists. And remembered how he'd slit them and ended up in the psych ward one weekend, but that was before they actually dated. They were friends then, and he'd come over and wait for her to get off the phone when she'd be on the phone with the one who went into the AirForce. It was like he was hiding out from Michelle.

"Come with me tomorrow." She said quickly.

He pressed his lips tight.

"It'll aggravate your Mom, so much." He couldn't help but smile.

"Then you have, too." She told him.

"Sure, Babe." He kissed her on the cheek then. But she touched his cheek with her finger tips, and with a little guidance, he kissed her lips as if they might be made of sugar. She smiled. Just what did her Mom have planned?

times up

2011-02-10T22:46:00.037-06:00

Sal got the skillet sizzling while Molly chopped up vegetables.

"Whats Tess and Puck doing?" Sal looked back at Molly who was working over a zucchini. Sal didn't wait for an answer. She had a butcher knife, and he knew she wasn't in the mood for small talk. He tossed in the thin slices of cut chicken breast, and took a look at the rice starting to boil. He put a lid on it and turned it to low, just leaving a crack for air. It would all be done in about twenty minutes. Sal was the short order cook.

"What we should really be thinking..did Michelle have her baby?" Molly finally looked up at him.

"I guess. Maybe." Sal didn't want to dwell on it. Could they not speak of her? His ex-girl friend. He thought of a big black X across her face when he thought of her. He knew how she operated and his brother was an idiot, being with her.

He took his favorite spatula, and went to work on the chicken. He had seasoned it with garlic and onion powder along with a bit of soy sauce and vinegar. And his secret ingredient. Red pepper.

"Oh, no you didn't. I watched you very carefully." But he could see Molly's nose was stinging.

"What, you know it'll open your sinuses." He shrugged his thin shoulders as he kept after the stir-fry with the spatula.

"But my stomach doesn't like your spicy foods." She reached for her own pan then and squeezed in to the back burner to stir-fry her own vegetables.

"Seriously? Are you serious?" He festered a look that it hurt his feelings that she would do such a thing. He knew who the better cook was. "Fine." He went to the fridge and cut up a jalepeno to put in with the onions, carrots and celery in his creation. Finally when it was sizzled to perfection, he poured the sauce he'd made before hand, all over it. Then tossed in some peanuts too. Oh, it was perfection, he thought. But there Molly was with her stir-fry vegetables. How could they still be so different, after all this time?

"This is just like last week, when I finally found out that you didn't like TAXI DRIVER. How could you not love that movie?" Sal reminded her. "I bet you never liked FARGO, either." He went to serve up his dish to the others. He left her in the kitchen. Just why was she so worried about Michelle's baby? He wasn't going to dare ask.

a demand, no less

2011-02-08T07:43:00.001-06:00

There was so much Tess wished she could figure out. Especially, Puck.

But maybe..maybe it was better not too.

A part of her knew she wasn't good enough for him. There were so many times, she wanted to tell him how Dax had been there. And how she needed all of them to protect her. Why was she so...vulnerable.

She tried not to think about it. She wanted to think the best. Not the worst. And she hoped she never saw Dax ever again.

It would wake her in the night. Thinking what Puck would say if he knew. She should have done something. Then. Not now. Why hadn't she?

It was such turmoil in her mind, her heart felt terribly sad. She had to act as if everything was all right. But what if it wasn't? What if it were true?

This was all it would ever be. What she had with Puck which was what it was. Going through the motions of a protector who had no idea he was even protecting you from anything.

She watched him smoke on the front steps of his house now. It was in the negatives out, and there he was in his parka smoking as if this was his natural state.

"Stop smoking." Tess said what she was thinking. Molly had already gone in. It was Sal and Molly's turn to make dinner.

"What?" He looked a little shocked, but he didn't hesitate with the cigarette.

"Stop smoking. Its bad for you." She gave him a dead stare.

"I guess I could, but then Sal would be all alone in the boiler room, to smoke." He shrugged.

She sat next to him and looked at her black army boots. "Yeah, that would be so awful."

"Are you trying to be funny?" He gave her a sly look.

"Yeah, whatever it takes for you, to stop smoking." She sighed. "Everyone smokes around me. I never could. I'm not a smoker. It makes me gag."

"Seriously?" He winced.

She nodded, hugging herself in the cold. Finally, he put his cigarette out.

"Next thing I know, you'll tell me, you want me to stop sleeping with you, and you'll have the bed all to yourself. I know how you work. You move around too much." He informed her.

"What can I say, I have vivid dreams." She made little of his comment.

"Am I in any of those dreams?" He shoved his hands in his pockets.

A smile slipped. She just looked at him, thinking this might be as good as it got, but she didn't mind.

another day

2011-02-05T23:54:00.001-06:00

Molly could smell him coming. He was the patron who rode his bicycle to the library, even in the snow. There were shards of ice in his dark beard. He unloaded a stack of heavy sci-fi books on the counter. And waited for her to get them checked in.

Molly hated to smile. He smelled ripe of sweat and decay. She could hardly hold her breath long enough. She cringed when he went to the stacks.

"He's like our very own Joaquin Phoenix." Tess informed Molly as she took the books to put away.

"What are you saying Joaquin is crazy?" Molly looked at her.

"He's just different. Actually, Jay's lost a lot of weight since riding that bike. I remember him coming in here, pretty fat in the beginning." Tess nodded.

"Do you know him?" Molly looked at Tess in disgust.

"I've helped him find books. He's not that bad. He's pretty smart. He just lives with his folks, and he won't work so his dad makes him go on a bike everywhere." Tess shrugged.

"How do you know all this?" Molly almost laughed.

"I got a lot of time on my hands, sometimes." She sighed.

Molly shook her head," I don't know why, but when I saw him..I thought of..you know who"?

"Dax?" Tess winced. "Why?"

"He's kind of dirty." Molly thought.

"Dax is just hairy." Tess told her. "Jay, well, he might really be bachelor of the year if he cleaned up. I bet he cleans up nice."

"What are you saying? You'd go out with him?" Molly looked at Tess as if she'd lost her mind.

"Like that's gonna happen. Jay doesn't date. Jay reads. He reads a lot of Sci-fi." Tess sighed.

"Do you and Puck..." Molly had to think a moment..how to say it. "Date?"

"Id have more luck with Jay.".Tess smiled. "I'm just his roommate.Better yet, his little sister." Tess went off to wait on some little girl who had accidentally ripped off the nose off a teddy bear. She swore she didn't mean too. Molly watched Tess. She was sure Tess might even cry over the missing nose. She promised she'd see that the bear got to the doctor.

some times, you need to know

2011-02-01T19:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, it was true, the sweater really did look smart on him. Even Molly said so.

"I can't remember the last time I had my own sweater." Sal was showing off as much as he could to anyone who might admire the black sweater at work. Zipped right up to that long neck of his. Honestly, it really did look better on him than Molly. He was starting to think she was getting a tummy. Pregnant like, but of course, he knew it wasn't true, and since she did give him the sweater, he would dare breathe his thought of it, to her.

"What do you think?" He asked Puck on their smoke break. As it was, the cigarette wasn't lit. He'd hate to burn a hole in the fresh sweater, he had zipped up over his plain white T that he exposed now.

"Nice. Really nice." Puck gave him a nod and had already lit up. He was in a daze of some sort. Sal couldn't imagine what was up.

"So, did you fuck her?" Sal got to the point as he pulled a bit of tabacco off his tongue. This kind of thing happened when you rolled your own cigs, he guessed.

Puck shook his head, no.

"What the fuck are you waiting for? Seriously, we're a noisy bunch. We won't mind." Sal gave Puck a serious look.

"Its-its-" He delicately closed his eyes as if maybe Sal would go away and not bother him about this dilemma with Tess. "I can't."

He looked teary eyed to Sal as he came closer and took a light off Puck's cigarette, there in the furnace room.

"You gay?" Sal asked him point blank. Puck looked away from him then. "You a virgin?" Sal kept his eye on him. Puck slightly shook his head, no.

"Why can't you?" Sal bit his bottom lip. Not that he'd want to watch, but it was just dreadful to think of a day without sex.

"Look, I'm not very good with these..these kind of things." Puck finally announced.

"Why the fuck not? You're fuckable. You are." Sal half-laughed. He generally never said this much around men folk, but he felt he could say anything around Puck. "What happened to you?" There had to be a secret here. "Is there something you're not telling me."

"All right, I did it.... with someone." Puck took a long draw from his cigarette then.

"What? She was on her period?" Sal gave him a disgusting look then as he took a puff from his cigarette.

Puck shook his head, no. "She was...older."

"Like how hold?" Sal couldn't help but scowled.

"Forty-something." He said so quietly. Sal could barely make it out.

"And?" Sal winced as he watched Puck.

"She died."

"Died? How?" Sal couldn't take his eyes off him.

"Heart attack." Puck sucked in a breath. "It was just the one time, and..and..you know."

"OH MY GOD! Were you on top?" Sal couldn't help but grin.

Puck wouldn't look at him.

"Wow, you were the last thing she saw before she went." He grinned more. Puck didn't say, no. He nursed his cigarette.

little glitches

2011-01-28T08:27:00.000-06:00

"OK, I want to let you in on..a little secret." Tess' eyes were only on Puck as they sat there alone in the kitchen for breakfast. She'd gotten up early to make pancakes, which really wasn't like her, but Puck didn't have anything against it.

True, he felt they might have been at a stand still on the roommate thing. Anyway, his back still ached from all the moving and a part of him wanted to go back to bed and get more sleep. He yawned then as he nursed his coffee. Molly and Sal were still asleep.

"A little secret?" He winced. "About what?"

"Oh, Sal is ..I dunno. I won't say he's wicked, but he can be kind of pathetic." Tess set their pancakes out so they could eat.

Puck bit into a slice of crunchy bacon. He had to admit nobody cooked bacon to perfection like Tess did.

"I keep thinking if I'd known her then like I do now, when they met..if I could have stopped her from being with him, but..I doubt it. She feels that he needs her. And he is needy, if you haven't noticed." Tess went on to talk about Sal.

Puck shrugged as if he wanted to stay on the fence about this. They had to get along. It was the four of them now in a farm house.

"I picked up some sweaters on clearance at Dollar General. I mean, they were only six bucks a piece. Who could pass that up, you know? They're cheap, but nice. They zip up. I got myself one and one for Molly too." She broke up pancakes in pieces then. "I can just bet Sal will take it away from her."

"But, but its a woman's sweater, right?" Puck couldn't help but smile. He bit into a slice of pancake then dipped in a glob of syrup.

"Doesn't matter." Tess shook her head. "He might as well be a crossdresser. He loves her clothes. I dunno. If its.. that he wants it because its hers, or he just likes what she wears."

"Well, don't worry. I promise, I will not wear your clothes." It was a promise Puck could keep. He took another sip of coffee.

not even

2011-01-25T10:32:00.001-06:00

"Sal." Molly knew that look. He thought he was sexy when he gave her that look. The one where he gave his puppy-eye look that he was really innocent. She told him every time it wasn't that sexy. But it never stopped him. Sort of like the same old jokes he'd tell when he got drunk. They always had to do with someone's ass. Those were definitely never funny. She sighed then, kind of sleepy. She looked back at Tess as if she had to take care of this.

"I could warm you up some hot chocolate." Tess looked at her.

That did sound good, but Molly shook her head, no. She looked back at Sal as Tess shut the door behind her.

He was into the NyQuil now on the night stand. He drank it like it might be an after party drink, or before party drink. Or just straight up spiced Rum (his drink of choice). He drank more than the required recommendation.

"Sal!" Molly went to stop him.

"What!" He shook his head as if the power of green syrup would do the trick.

"You could kill yourself with that stuff and not even know it." She glared at him and snatched the bottle from him.

"I like it when you get so feisty." His grin held down a cough.

"You're sick." She told him.

"Not that sick. Really. I'm not." He shook his head, no.

She watched with her hands grasping that bottle while he undressed completely just to expose that bony body of his.

"Well...come on." He gritted an open grin that didn't do a thing for her.

"You need some sleep." She told him.

"Not without you." He told her.

"I'll get sick." She marched around to the other side of the bed. He always had the right side. She had the left. "You are a GERM, Sal. A big ugly germ." She peeled off a sneaker and let it thud to the floor.

"I'm not big and I'm not ugly." He turned to her as she slowly got out of her jeans, but was still in her panties and T. She undid her bra under her shirt and let that drop to the floor too. "You know, you love me." He was aiming for her lips but she kissed his cheek instead.

"Its, OK, we don't have to kiss." He told her practically hiding under the covers. Reluctantly, she crawled under the flannel sheets with him. He was there to meet her. All over her, in fact. The lights weren't even turned off yet.

For a moment, she felt like a sacrifice waiting for her destiny. Naturally, he was on top and coughed all over her.

"Are you sure we have to." She looked up at him. "I don't want this stuff, you have. What if its more than bronchitis?"

"I'm not that sick." He winced as he cleared his throat. Nothing would stop him now. But just as she suspected, he really wasn't up for it.

"Just hold me. Will you?" He sounded so sad as if she knew the real thing bothering him. He didn't want to be alone. And neither did she.

never there when you need him

2011-01-23T18:07:00.001-06:00

"I'm so sorry." Sal blew his nose once more. He could barely speak. As soon as Tess and Molly got the flannel sheets on the bed at Puck's, he plopped in the middle of it. He had the worse cough ever. "I want to make it up to you. Some how. Just not right now."

It was true he was good for nothing. A lot of stuff was still at the apartment. His stuff. Actually. He just couldn't part with all the toys and records he'd accumulated over the last few years. Kramer promised he'd store all of it for him. It was waiting for him to pick up.

His cell buzzed then and he saw it was his brother, Kramer.

"What?" Sal snorted.

"I'm at the hospital with Michelle." Kramer told him she was having contractions.

"So." Sal croaked and rubbed his nose red with a tissue. "When can you get my stuff?" They needed to out of the apartment, like yesterday. More snow was on the way. No one wanted to get out in this frigid mess. His left eye twitched. Really, his eyes were red and yucky. When he coughed, it made his head hurt.

"You sound really bad Salvador." Kramer informed him.

"Why do you call me that?" He winced hard and tried to swallow back the mucus in his throat. He never got called that, even if it were his given name. His mother had named him after the only man she'd ever adored. Of course, she was 14 then and obviously the guy didn't even know she existed. But she claimed he taught her the Mexican two-step. Why this story came to him now? He did not know. As it was he watched Molly move boxes, and when she bent over, naturally something took over that had nothing to do with the story his mother told about how he came about his name.

A slight smile curled his even lips. Oh, he was never to sick for one thing. He coughed really hard then. Maybe if he took some NyQuil, all would be good. Hopefully, she'd just leave those boxes alone. He clicked off the phone. Sal really wasn't concerned if Michelle had her baby or not.

checking it twice

2011-01-19T15:53:00.000-06:00

"OK, maybe I was all wrong about this." Tess shook her head. No way were Molly and Sal going to be moved in by the end of the month. Her hands were on her hips as she looked at the closet that she hardly remembered this full, before. But she was a pack rat. Puck on the other hand, just lived on the essentials.

She could see him walk on foot 200 miles from South Dakota in the dead of winter just with the clothes on his back and be fine. Perhaps he liked his women that way too. No makeup. Just the barest of essential and of course, could kick ass like Zena.

It was true, romance was not part of Puck's nature. He was handy and he took out the trash, but other than that, he was right at home watching her cook.

So everything was back in the box, she thought. But then he came in and took everything off the hanger like a robot and rehung it in his closet. She looked at him. Well, maybe she had trained him in some domestic areas that she didn't realize. He had the closet, where she'd stayed, empty in about fifteen minutes.

"Did you even have anything in here?" She walked back to their room and looked at his closet that looked just about as identical as the one she had before.

"My snow boots and work boots are by the door." He shrugged. He kept his coat on the hook hehind the front door. Yeap, he was always ready for an emergency. He really should have been a fireman by the way he was organized.

He didn't waste anytime getting the vacuum. After that he took down the bed and vacuumed one more time.

"They were going to bring their own bed, weren't they?" He looked at her as if she'd better call them.

"I suppose. I'm pretty sure Sal is fond of that bed. It was the first thing they ever bought together." She remembered Molly talking about it. How happy she was about the queen sized bed. Tess was beginning to think that was the only reason why she hadn't left him. Or maybe it was him who wouldn't leave. It was all because of the bed.

"Am I suppose to move them?" Puck stood there as if he had nothing to do. He looked at his watch.

"God, no. They can get their ass' over here. You've done more than enough." She winced. Not that she wanted to be left alone. She'd even go to the hardware store with him if that would help. She wanted to be surrounded by others. She caught her breath then.

"What?" He looked at her.

"Nothing." She couldn't dare bring up Dax. She'd done her best to forget about him. She probably wouldn't be sleeping with Puck if it wasn't for him. Everything would be so calm. Possibly like watching a stream die quietly. But now they had Molly and Sal moving in. It would be good. It would all be good, again. Soon.

a tangled web

2011-01-15T13:05:00.000-06:00

"Are you sure about this?" Molly was a little skeptical about them moving in with Tess and Puck. It would be weird. "I see you all the time as it is. I don't know how you stand me?"

They were at work. It was a dismal day. She was ready to go home, but she just got here.

"Oh, come on. It wouldn't be forever." Tess told her to lighten up. "We can do this. The four of us."

"Yeah, the four of us." Molly hugged herself. It would be great. Maybe. She sighed though.

Just then Jory gave her a quirky smile as he came into the library to get ready for work. She couldn't help but smile back. Why was he so easy to work with? Why did he make her day when he didn't even know it?

Well, she wasn't thinking about bills or what she might be plagued with next with Sal. Jory was just sunshine. And she was glad he was here, but she hated that she felt this way too. She had a boyfriend, a lover, but it was the ball and chain aspect of it that clung on to her like a hurtful tattoo. Sal could be childish and stubborn. It was his way or else. She couldn't explain it. Maybe it was having to put up with his problems. But there was no problem with Jory and..and she watched him go. She was back to this new complication with Tess.

She'd have to give this plan a chance. She knew. Sal had jumped on it as if they were going on a caravan to Mars. He couldn't hardly wait and she couldn't let him down. It was just..they were going to have throw a lot of stuff away before they moved in. And she knew it would be her things. Not Sal's. No way was Sal parting with his Starwars crap...even if he could get some big bucks off e-bay for it.

getting the picture

2011-01-11T13:20:00.000-06:00

"OH MY GOD!" Squealed Sal, "Are you kidding me?" He hugged Puck tight. He couldn't believe it. This was the break he and Molly had been waiting for. He had no idea this could happen.

There he and Puck were in the old boiler room getting ready for a smoke and Puck pops the question. Well, of course, they'd take him up on this offer. A farm house, at that. Didn't he know how lousy it was to have such noisy neighbors in that apartment they were stuck in? There was always something going on. He thought even some gang activity might have been going down, for all he knew. As it was, Sal hid in his apartment.

He was ecstatic. Sal couldn't help but smile all over. He sighed then as he lit his cigarette. He took a drag and let it sink in. A bubble of laughter grew inside him, as it hit him. Tess and Puck? Together. He chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Puck winced.

"You dirty dog," Sal smiled. "Why didn't you tell me you hooked up with Tess?"

"Oh, that..." Puck shook his head. "Its..its not what you think. We just..you know, it being winter and all. Nothing is going on."

"Nothing?" Sal winced hard as he pulled a speck of tobacco from his tongue. "You sleeping with her?"

"Yeah, but-" Puck shrugged.

"How can you sleep with her and not fuck her?" Sal shrugged back. "I mean, I'd have to, you know. I would." He sighed.

"OK." Puck turned away. As if he didn't need to hear this.

"I gave Molly an STD, once. I mean, that was when we first met, and I didn't know. Not like it would happen again, but I-" Sal nursed his bottom lip as he shook his head. "I love her, man. But that kind of came later. And stop looking at me, that I'm some fuck'n bunny, you know." Sal gritted then. "Thats my brother, for you. You think, I'm bad..well, Kramer. Jesus, he's ..God, always fuck'n around." Sal shook his head as he danced around with his cigarette.

"I didn't say anything." Puck then winced. "But you and Molly, are good?"

"Yeah, my one only. Honest to God." Sal nodded as he sucked on his cigarette. "Believe me, I'm not putting her through anymore shit. Hell, she got me a fuck'n new car." He smiled then. If there had a been a bible he would have swore on it that he'd always be faithful to Molly.

time to make a home

2011-01-07T22:06:00.000-06:00

Puck yawned. Yes, he was listening. Listening to every thing Tess was saying. He had the TV on mute. He was tired. He could be in bed right now..in a deep sleep. But she was talking about somebody at work. Patrons. That was it. These two kids. Teenagers.

"They just met and moved into an apartment with their friends." Her eyes were so big, and her smile. It was a smile with an opinion. It was one that was wanting him to sense the right thing to do. The right thing to say.

"And?" He looked at her sleepily.

"Well." She looked away, gave him a deep sigh. "Since-you know." Her shoulders heaved in a little as she kind of hugged herself.

"Are you going to make me guess?" His smile was sly and really, he hadn't a clue what she was getting at.

"You know." She winced.

Puck drew a blank. He pushed his hands through his thick hair and rested them on his neck. She was killing him here.

She was talking about this teenage couple moving into an apartment with their best friends.

"Are they still in high school?" He winced.

"No, they graduated. last year." She said ever so dully. The corner of her lip twitched, slightly. He watched her mouth as if he watched it enough, he'd know the answer she wanted.

"You know how hard it is right now for Molly and Sal. You know, her car, not quite new and his new KIA." She looked at him blankly. "They're strapped."

Puck nodded as if he'd hate to be Sal. He really would, sharing sandwiches with his girlfriend, sometimes wearing her clothes because he could.

"And you know, I'm-I'm sleeping with you now." Tess reminded him ever so innocently. As if he had been this merge of some sort that neither one knew when it exactly took place. But it was done and it was OK. Like a tattoo he couldn't live without now.

He shot her a look. That was just temporary, he thought. A hibernating thing. They weren't really sleeping together. OK, it was definitely sleep. Just sleep.

"All right." Puck said it before he knew what he was getting into.

"Really?" She smiled so brightly then as if it were all his idea, instead of hers.

"I guess so." Besides, he saw Sal everyday as it was.

winter solitude

2010-12-31T11:09:00.000-06:00

Tess wanted to believe it was a dream. A part of her thought maybe she'd gone mad, but if she had, well..she would have killed someone, by now. And she hadn't.

A part of her felt more distant than she wanted to be. Christmas, seemed a life-time away now. And what was she to do, but go on with things.

"You're so quiet." Molly told on those days between holidays when they were working at the library. Lots came in hurried for more movies before the next snow storm came through.

"Well, isn't that a good thing." Tess tried to make the best of it. She went in the motion of things and tried not to think that Dex had been there..in her bed on Christmas eve. Oh, she had no trouble doubting it was him. He was in her bed, all right. But she'd been so sleepy then. A part of it had felt like a dream, but the more conscious she became..she knew it was a horrible nightmare. How had he found a way in? After all this time.

Why hadn't she screamed? She was mad at herself, mostly. And then she thought of Puck. She'd let him down. She really had and it was a sad feeling that clung to her that she had to be the worst human ever, especially to be with such vermin like Dax.

She felt lathargic now. And it was coming more clear to her, there were bruises. On her arms. Places she dared to look at. She felt so much colder now. She slept less. The only solitude she could find now was to sneak into Puck's bed in the early morning hours. For a few hours she was warm, feeling safe. But she supposed it was only temporary.

She'd listen to Molly complain about Sal, how he only wanted a burger and egg for breakfast. How he would not give up that rusty spatula even if she got him a new rubber one for Christmas. Tess would try to smile. Molly had no idea how good she had it, with the boy who didn't want to grow up.

like a destiny calling his name

2010-12-24T01:25:00.013-06:00

It was a relief when they left. Dax couldn't help but get into Puck's house. It was a shame they hadn't decorated the tree. A part of him wanted to put up the decorations, as if it were his house. If only that were true. If only he could be Puck for a moment or too.

He looked in the fridge and ate the left overs. Tess hadn't finished her burger. He wondered why. He got it out of the trash and ate it. Finished off the fries too.

This Puck was probably made of money and cheap. Very well, cheap. Wasn't that the way those with money worked. They had it, but never spent it. And he lived in this dump. Damn, old farm house.

He really wasn't after anything in particular. Dax took a look from one room to the next. It looked as if Tess had her own room. He found that rather interesting. Tess wasn't sleeping with Puck. This gave Dax a real laugh. How entertaining was that. What was this Puck? A priest or something?

Well, there was a couple beers in the fridge. He took a couple. Made himself at home in front of the TV. He caught up on the news. Wasn't like he really watched it, or anything.

Finally, he got up to relieve himself. He guessed it was time to get back to what he'd started to do. Stay in Tess's room. The closet was roomy enough. It was a good hiding place. Perfect for tonight. A grin came to Dax's face. This would be a test after all..just to see if she really could tell them apart.

his bad side

2010-12-22T02:41:00.001-06:00

"Well, if that doesn't take the cake." Sal didn't see how his brother could get Dax a job like that. He and Molly had talked about this subject for quite a bit. As it was there were all these security checks people had to go through for jobs at the City, but in this case, they just needed a good mechanic for these old trucks that cleared the streets.

"And you, you forgot to mention Jory got that shelving job. Isn't he suppose to be a TA of some sort now at the University?" He'd found this out from Tess a few days ago. "Were you gonna just let that slip?"

"Tell me you're not jealous?" Molly looked at him as if she was in no mood to meet Tess and Puck at the mall. She was pulling up her gray leg warmers over her skinny jeans there in their small livingroom.

"Me? Jealousy? What on earth for?" He was wanting a smoke, but the cold air out on the patio made his chest hurt. Really, he so wanted to be some place warm. Like the beach.

"I dunno. Its a lot like you wanting something for Christmas, then not." She gave him a glare.

"OK, get me something. All right? Three presents each. Can't spend more than twenty on each one." He informed her. She gave him an odd look.

"OK, just one really good Christmas present then. Satisfied?" It seemed he would have to be quiet about Jory. They were on a mission here. He hoped she hadn't bout that gay friend of hers, anything for Christmas.

to make a difference

2010-12-20T02:33:00.018-06:00

Puck watched Tess break up the icy steak fries on the cookie sheet and slide them into the hot oven.

"You sure you're all right?" He squinted as if this had to be the worst day ever for her. Seeing Dax at a City employee Christmas party. "Did you say anything?"

"Of course not." She was angry that she'd even ask that. "I have nothing to say to him."

"Of course, you don't." He sucked in a breath as he crossed his arms. This was not exactly what he wanted to hear about Christmas. He didn't want to worry, but he did. How could he fix this? Was he even suppose too?

"We should do some Christmas shopping, you know." He then suggested.

"Why?" She looked as if she didn't want to have a thing to do with the holidays.

"You can't let him get to you. You have to go on with things." He tried to smile, but she looked so tired. "I'll call Sal, see if they want to meet up with us after supper." Maybe she didn't want to be alone with him. Maybe that was the problem. They needed to have a party. They needed to keep happy. Think positive.

"I don't care." She went through the motions as she got out the frozen burger patties. He put his arm around her then, as if he might be aiming for a kiss, but it landed in the middle of her forehead.

a natural reaction

2010-12-18T02:20:00.015-06:00

Dax couldn't help but look at Tess. He just kept finding himself wanting to stare. He knew he shouldn't. He promised Kramer to leave her alone. As it was he was grateful to have the job. He really needed the money. As it was he lived in a motel room where you could stay a day or a life-time. It wasn't much. But it was warm and he had an address now.

Kramer had helped him get the job at City. He would only work on the snow plows and trucks that needed fixing. He was after all a descent mechanic. He'd worked on cars all his life. And then there was his two years in the army where he worked on jeeps. He'd never really seen combat. And he'd been kicked out of the guard when he got out of the army. It wasn't exactly because he'd been the worst solider. He got fat. Forgot to go to the meetings. He ended up in debt to the government. But after he finally paid that off, well, he lost the weight and made his money generally at the pool halls.

Honestly, he'd only been lucky with one lady and she didn't look at him now as if she'd been so lucky. But he'd treated Tess good. Didn't she know that?

Well, he knew where she lived now. And maybe, and maybe she hadn't completely forgotten about him. To him, it looked like she wanted somebody just like him. But he was pretty sure he and this Puck were like night and day.

Night and Day he kept thinking as he sipped his cold tea and ate at the potato salad. He wolfed down the sandwich as if he'd need another. Or perhaps he was only an animal. He said nothing to no one. And yet, he couldn't help to stare at Tess. He knew he could make her happy. He knew he could.

suddenly, this winter

2010-12-16T12:18:00.001-06:00

Tess had had a nightmare about Dax. She thought she was with someone else. And it had turned out badly. He'd handcuffed her and whisked her way in his truck. She'd awoke in a sweat and wondered what it meant. Of course, she got ready for work without even breakfast. That's what happens when one wakes up late and no one warms the car up for you in the dead of a winter snow storm. It was blinding white out. She thought she might have slipped off to the North Pole. And it wasn't welcoming her.

Even so, in the car, warming up, she imagined Dax, appearing. Possibly asleep in her back seat, or just getting in her car and telling her to drive. She'd never had this kind of fear before. It was baffling. Perhaps she was coming down with something or going complete mental.

"Whats wrong with you?" Molly kept asking.

"Why? I look that sick?" She knew she should be happy. She had money in her bank account. It was time to pay some rent. Possibly get someone a well deserved Christmas present. She wanted to be happy this Christmas. She should be. Only Dax was holding her back and he wasn't even around.

"We have the City Christmas party to attend." Molly looked at her watch.

"Right now?" Tess looked at her as if she was in no mood for Christmas, but it was mandatory for fulltimers to go.

Thirty minutes later they were in line to get their pulled pork sandwiches and slices of huge cheese cake, down at the community center. Tess was in a daze. She didn't feel well. She felt practically ill. Just as she was plopped down with her sandwich and all the fixings that she didn't want a part of, she looked across the room. There he was. Plain as day. Hair pulled back behind his ears. He looked as if he might be a mechanic of some sort. Molly shook in disbelief. Puck really did look a lot like Dax.

jumping in

2010-12-07T07:43:00.000-06:00

"This Christmas sucks." Sal decided. Especially when he found out Kramer was seeing his old girlfriend Michelle. But he had left it... Christmas sucked with Molly. Of course, he could see she didn't like that line. She walked away. He was waiting for her to get off from work. He followed her around the circle of new books. "Sorry."

A part of him wanted a cigarette, but he knew it wouldn't help. He'd try to make it up to her. She always like cheese and broccoli soup on cold windy evenings like this. He'd take her to her favorite place to feast on bread bowls and a good wine might help too.

He went off to call his brother then.

"What's gotten in to you?" Sal winced, thinking of the two, he'd spotted just yesterday at the grocery store. It felt more like a spy mission, afterwhile. They were together. Didn't he know to stay away from her?

"Hold on," Kramer made a guess. He too, was getting off work. "I know what this is about. You can't go picking who I will and won't see." That was then he told him how Michelle had been at Mom's. And one thing lead to another. "She needs a friend."

"I see." But Sal was thinking she needed a father to her baby. She was a mess. She'd married a soldier who was off to Afghanistan just to get his insurance. She was a manipulator.

"Don't tell me you have feelings for her?" Kramer jumped to the conclusion.

"No, I don't." Sal winced hard as he looked back to see Molly was getting her coat and bag. "Listen, just don't get involved. You'll be sorry you did. She married now. Let that someone take care of her, will you?"

Really, Sal was getting sick at his stomach. He hoped some food and drink helped. But he had to get this off his chest. Molly needed to know.

not quite lies

2010-12-03T22:09:00.033-06:00

"We must be engaged now." Puck couldn't help but smile about it. He went to brush his teeth after everyone had gone home. It was still early. All was quiet.

"Just shut up about that." Tess looked tired but still wired. She put tooth paste on her tooth brush then.

He smiled and washed his mouth out. She brushed her teeth while he walked around barefooted in his flannel plaid pants checking to see that all doors were locked. He came back to the bathroom doorway just to see Tess putting moisturizer on her face.

"So he's the one who fucked everything up?" Puck wanted to know.

"It was my fault." She quickly said.

"I dunno. He's sooo perfect. Something just can't be right. But you figured it out, before you married him." He nodded as if this was the truth, even if were just a guess. It was best to be on her side. After all, he lived with her. Puck crossed his arms and watched her.

"You don't know everything." She cut past him. Her fingers almost touched his wrist.

Why hadn't he kissed her, already? Was it too late for that?

He did want to be her friend first. That might be all he'd ever be. His throat tensed then. Wishing for something to say. But it was too late, she shut her bedroom door.

nothing to know

2010-12-01T04:20:00.120-06:00

It wasn't exactly a blast from the past when Tess saw Grant sitting there in the livingroom. She went straight to her room and slammed the door shut. Puck cut the TV. It was quiet.

She knew there were things she could say to Grant. Maybe. If she could just compose herself. But did she really feel the need to? She thought she heard whispers. Maybe it was outside her door, or just in her head. Really, there was no need to face him now.

Tess, pushed off her black high tops and laid on her bed, thinking if she closed her eyes long enough...she might just disappear. She sighed deeply, knowing that wasn't going to work.

Wasn't she the one who left him high and dry? She had to get her part straight. Think, how she could be a little high strung. She kind of smiled thinking how she'd tore up that bride bouquet in no time, ripped her veil and tossed it to the side as she'd walked down the street that late evening. She thought of the people waiting in line, across the street to get in the place where their reception was suppose to be. She'd turned heads.

No, she had nothing to say to him. Nothing at all. She tried to keep calm. She meant to. She would try.

A tap came to her door. There might have been a tear in her eye, but she wouldn't bother with it.

"Hey, you know you've got company, don't you?" Puck edged in.

Tess rose up on her elbows then and shook her head no, but the tears boiled up anyway and her face flushed as a hot tear slipped down her face.

"It'll be all right." Puck promised. He rushed in and she cried on his shoulder. She held him close and he didn't resist. "He just wants to know, if you're all right."

"What did you tell him?" She tried to clear her throat but it felt parched and raw.

"That you were fine." Puck told her. "But he wanted to see you."

Tess pulled away from him. She looked up at him. He reached for a tissue then. She blew her nose hard, wondering if she should get this over with.

"Did you want me to stay?" Puck asked. She shook her, no, but did just the opposite. Tess hugged him again, noticing she'd got his shirt wet.

Another tap came. This time it was Molly. Puck just nodded to her as he sat by Tess then. Tess took his hand, and he just stared at her hands. He let out a breath. The bed wobbled then and there was Grant in the doorway.

Tess figured out then, if Grant did sit down it would be on the other corner of the bed. She really wished she'd thought about putting a chair in the room. Maybe a sofa, a place to read. Well, she read in bed, anyway. Ate her cereal in bed in the morning too. There were a lot of things she did alone in this room. Suddenly, it felt crowded.

"I didn't - I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Grant hesitated, but he did sit down. She didn't think he would, but he did.

She stared at him as if she had an interpreter here, and he'd answer any questions he had.

"I thought you might have fallen off the face of the earth, for all I knew." Grant told her. "I called. I left messages. I sent you letters. They were all returned. So I decided I would be fine with that, but I wasn't." He dug something out from his slacks. "Here's a check." He handed it to her.

"For what?" She squinted. She figured she owed him money from the wedding.

"I guess it was too late to return the gifts." He shrugged.

She looked at the check, squinting hard, just what kind of gifts had they been given? This was a five thousand dollar check. A chill went through her. She didn't know what to say.

"I couldn't." She could barely breathe. She'd never been handed over money like that.

"No, no, no..its yours. I'm sure you can think of something to do with it." He was calm. Always Mr. Calm.

But she felt the tears swelling inside.

"I bet you two could use it. You know, for the house, or a honeymoon." Grant smiled.

"Yeah, a honeymoon." Puck hung on to her hand and nodded with a smile.

Tess tried to chuckle.

"So you're engaged?" Grant's grin was opened.

"Engaged?" Puck said. "Well, we haven't really decided on a ring. We're taking our time."

Tess gave him a dead stare.

"She's kind of picky." Puck nodded.

"She does like pearls." Grant remembered.

Tess just sighed. She kept looking at the check. It was her money. Grant left before she ever thought about saying, thank you.

another lazy day

2010-11-28T04:53:00.001-06:00

Honestly, Sal could hardly stand the racket on TV, but the home team was winning. He was keeping Puck company. Of course, Puck was in full throttle of the game. He'd yell at the TV for every technicality. Sal would mimic him. Sal was not really a football fan, but he'd try his hardest to fake it. As it was, the girls were out and he was only here to pick Molly up.

Thanksgiving had gone smoothly. No, Mom to wait on. Kramer had taken her out with the rest of the family to eat. He'd had his kids for Thanksgiving. Perhaps it was a pre-Christmas celebration. Sal was glad he'd missed it. More time to relax, be with Molly, but not too much. He knew when he annoyed her. So he let her have time with her friends. Usually, it was Jory, but he was out of town. It seemed he'd met someone on the Internet. Sal kept telling her not to worry, but she did. Hopefully, Tess had taken her mind off things.

"I bet they're shopping." Sal nursed a beer.

"Huh?" He was distracting Puck from the game.

"I bet Tess gave in. Let Molly have her way. They probably found a sale on DVDs." Sal winced.

Puck shook his head and drank his beer, popping a crinkled potato chip in his mouth. He was stretched out with his feet on the coffee table. Really, they were lounging around the livingroom. Sal would give anything to take a nap on the sofa. He almost was.

Just then the doorbell rang. Instantly, Sal thought Puck should not answer it. There was just a bad vibe he felt. But Puck got up with his flannel shirt unbutton and his gray wife beater showing and went to the door. He pulled up his saggy fade jeans that had slipped past the top of his black boxers.

"Is..is Tess here?" A male voice asked. Sal jumped to see if he was who he thought it was. Dax. He knew about him. In fact he knew he could be Puck's evil twin brother. But that wasn't him. Sal winced. He didn't know who in the hell was looking for Tess.

"No. She's-she's not here." Puck said in the most dull voice. He didn't give him anymore information than that. This dude looked to be doing well for him self. A shiney silver sports car. V-neck sweater and dark slacks and real smooth leather loafers.

"But you know her, right?" There was a concerned tone in his voice.

"Yeah, I do." Puck popped the screen then and let him in.

"Then-" The fellow gave Puck the look over. "Sorry, my name's Grant." He kind of grinned, but it didn't last long. He offered to shake Puck's hand.

"Puck, Puck Jamison." Puck gave him a hard handshake.

"I was in town, visiting family. I'm down in Kansas City. And-" He hesitated. Puck offered Grant a seat. He sat in Puck's big recliner that was the destination of all of Puck's TV watching. "And I asked around about her, but no one seemed to know. Except somebody I remembered she'd worked with, but that lady is retired from the library now ...so she gave me this address."

Puck shrugged. He offered Grant a beer then.

"Well, she should be home any moment now." He told him.

Grant took a long drink from the beer.

"I don't know if-" He sighed then. "I just wanted to see how - how is she?" He stared at Puck then.

"Fine." Puck slightly shrugged. "She's got this stalker boyfriend, but he hasn't been around lately."

"What? Do you know who it is?" Grant winced in concern.

"Not really, she doesn't talk about him much." Puck was even lipped.

Sal hugged himself then. He saw that sad look in Grant's face.

"Why do you care?" Sal then glared at Grant. "You her big brother or something?"

Grant licked his dry lips then and took another drink of his beer. Sal had to wonder if he'd wait around or not for Tess.

the bleak black Friday

2010-11-26T17:17:00.000-06:00

"Oh MY GOD!" Molly was still having a laugh over it with Tess. "You had no idea that Jamie Campbell Bower's character was going to be Dumbledore's lover?" She had to tease Tess a little. Of course, she wasn't exactly getting the reaction she was looking for. She was expecting Tess to at least have a tiff with her over this.

They'd managed through Thanksgiving rather swell. She and Tess had worked on the stuffing and pies while the boys had an adventure in the back yard with the turkey. Thankfully, they'd fried it outside. They'd been on pins and needles watching. Thankfully, Puck had not burned himself and the turkey came out tender and lovely.

Still, she was getting texts from her mom and cousins about holiday shopping. Where was she?

She and Tess were at the art museum. No one was there. They had the place to themselves. One white room after another with art pieces from around the world. Even clothes from French peasants. How fashion was invented for Kings and Queens.

"I don't want to talk about it." Tess had her pad and pencil. She'd decided to draw some Victorian women in a park. The masterpiece took up most of the wall.

"Its just a movie?" Molly winced sitting next to her, not so prepared to spend hours sketching. "Why do you even care?"

Tess shook her head. "Its not the movie." She croaked slightly. She went back to her work sitting there on the cushioned platform. Molly laid back, ready to take a nap. She yawned. "So what is it?" She asked with her hands behind her back.

Tess studied the dark painting for some time. Molly sneaked a peak. Tess's drawing looked even more dreary. She kind of hoped that wasn't her Christmas present, but she was sure Sal would love it.

"Look, I know everyone thinks my life ended when I left Grant at the wedding. Its just-" She squinted her eyes tight as if she wished not to think about it. "I know how you love Jory so much. Its just..when you are on the other side of it, its not all cheery and bright." She sucked in a breath then.

"OH MY GOD." Molly flung herself up. Her honey hair came around her face. "GRANT AND JORY?" She glared at Tess.

"God, no, it was not Jory." Tess rolled her eyes. "I dunno who that guy was. I don't care. OK?" Tess looked at Molly then. "Its over, and I'm fine." She shut her pad then as if she knew their time was up, here. The lit trees in the park were near by. It was almost twilight. "Its just I don't think Jory is the angel you pretend he is."

Molly just nodded as they found their way to the park.

"Oh, and I've been calling Dumbledore, Dumbledorf all this time, too." Tess gave her a quick smile.

Molly just smiled. She looked to the sky. It was cold enough for snow. She wished on a star then for snow. It was time for cocoa with lots of whipped cream.

bracing for the cold

2010-11-23T15:03:00.000-06:00

"What are you doing, exactly?" Puck's question aggravated Sal. He was trying to read on his break. Of course, this made the third time he was trying to get through the last book of Harry Potter.

"Because I need too." Sal yawned. "I hate this book. I honestly do, how could she have ended it this way?" He sat there in the furnace room with his cigarette. He was debating if he should light it yet or now. Puck was already having his own personal relationship with his cigarette. He was stomping a bit in the cold. Funny, he smiled, shouldn't the furnace room be warm?

"Then why put yourself through it?" Puck winced.

"Because its the only books I read." He looked at Puck as if he should know this. He lit his cigarette then. "Besides, I promised Molly, a movie and dinner." Of course, they were going to the last matinee and then share a sandwich at the bread place. But still it was kind of a date.

"Why not Fountainhead, or I don't know, T.C. Boyle?" Puck questioned. "I'm a bit of Dorian Gray fan, myself."

"Look, this is my literary outlet." Sal glared at his friend then. "Don't start throwing names at me, that I don't know."

"You are so set in your ways." Puck laughed at him then and went back to his cigarette. "Imagine, what would we do if we didn't have this?" He flicked an ash from the cigarette away, then. It was quiet. Sal went back to his chapter before break time was up.

"So would you two like some company?" Puck shrugged as he put out his cigarette.

"I don't care." Sal's thin shoulders shrugged inward. "Its a free country."

"Tell you what, you take care of the matinee and I'll pay for the pizza after the show." Puck offered.

Sal smiled, that would be fine with him. "Say, you ever go to one of the Harry Potter's?" He watched Puck zip up his coat.

He shook his head, no.

Sal nodded, clinging to his smile. He guessed Puck must be a true friend then, or he was just doing this because he'd do what ever Tess asked him to do. No, maybe he was his friend. Really.

its the most wonderful time of the year

2010-11-21T16:37:00.000-06:00

"Could people just stop screaming?" Molly was having a miserable day. She didn't want to think about the cold, or the holiday. Or all these babies crying at the library.

"Who? What?" Tess looked at her blankly. She was checking in children's books as fast as she could.

"I did something." Molly did look perturbed.

"Like what?" Tess winced. "It can't be that bad." Tess slightly grimaced, but soon put on her smile to help some young mom with a bunch of board books and Dora DVDs to take home. Soon she was back to check on Molly who had to call a hold on a book.

"I co-signed a new car for Sal." She felt as if she might fall in the floor and have a sluggish fit of some sort. She hadn't slept since getting him the electric blue sporty KIA.

"You co-signed?" Tess couldn't stop staring. Molly told her how awful his car was. He'd been pouring loads of money into it, and it still stalled. She was tired of him not having a vehicle they could rely on.

"Now, what am I gonna do about the holidays, huh?" Molly sat there at her desk, behind the glass window.

"Relax, you can have dinner with us." Tess grinned. Granted, Puck would probably do most of the cooking. He wanted to fry it in the back yard.

"I don't even want to think about Thanksgiving. Promise, you won't let me shop on Black Friday?" Molly was serious. She might have to be hogtied and locked away for the day.

"OK." Tess shrugged. "I never shop on the day after Thanksgiving."

"Never?" Molly wondered if she were mental. "We get up at four in the morning. My Mom gives me a list. I head out for the malls with my cousins, and we wait in line to get in department stores."

"You poor thing." Tess shook her head. "You're spending the day with me." She smiled then as she walked away to help someone at the counter.

Here, they had a new car and no place to go.

not much left behind

2010-10-26T22:27:00.000-05:00

Tess slowly got the apartment culled out. Actually Puck did a huge part of it. They took many of the books to various places around town. Some to Good Will. Others to shelters. It was the books she'd kept, mostly. Really. She didn't have that many clothes. Just from thrifting. She really had never been a big spender because she didn't have any money to spend.

Still, after the clothes were packed she thought she was done.

"No, you're not done." Puck informed her. He picked up a framed photo. "You do know these people, right? You just didn't decide to pick this up at a yard sale?"

She took it from him, wondering if she even needed the family photo. Wasn't like they were around, anymore.

"So who is it?" Puck gave her a look that he'd like for her to solve the mystery.

"Just..just me and my sister." She made an effort to smile. "And my..mom." She sucked in a breath, dropped it in a box without much care. She looked around the place. It was empty enough. One of the neighbors wanted the couch. It was free. Really her old bed wasn't much. They'd already dragged it down to the curb.

"You think you've had enough today?" Puck wanted to take one more look at the photo, but she taped it up.

"Yeap, we're done." She kept quiet, thinking, she'd gotten it right. About her sister and her mother. Only, it was a picture of her and her mother and her grandmother. Her face flushed. She thought she might be feeling faint. She really didn't know where her mother was. And if she came looking for her, by chance, but she doubted it, her mother wouldn't know where to find her. She wasn't one of those, hooked on the Internet. It made Tess blue feeling her mother was never going to look for her. Besides, she was the one who told everyone Tess was her little sister, anyway. And her grandmother wasn't much better. Oh, she was around. Usually, she could tell Tess what she could have been. If only she'd married the right guy.

Tess smiled then. She didn't have one picture of Grant left. She was glad Puck didn't have a chance to bring him up.

not just a sing along

2010-10-15T02:22:00.013-05:00

How did it get so, cozy? Puck had to wonder as he sat there in the round booth at the corner of the diner. It was kind of a celebration. Tess got fulltime and well, it was the four of them. Puck liked that. Being a part of the group. Although, they weren't exactly family. Tess. Sal and Molly. But it felt enough, actually.

They were sharing food. He'd tried some of Tess' enchiladas and he gave her a fry. He hadn't meant to smile so much. "Tomorrow, I'm biting the bullet." He shrugged. "I'm going down to Wal-greens and getting my flu shot."

"I should too." Tess nodded.

"Good. Really. Better for all of us, you know." He nodded as if he'd take them all down there if he could.

"I never get one." Sal was indifferent.

"I think its a conspiracy." Molly smirked.

"Come on, are you two kidding me." Puck laughed at them. But they were serious. "You believe this shit?" He looked at Tess.

"Whatever." She wasn't going to hold it against them. "I think they like getting sick and staying home to take care of each other." Tess slightly teased.

"Yeah, Puck would you even take care of Tess if she got sick?" Molly took a sip of her hot black coffee.

"Why are we making this about me now?" Puck winced with a laugh. This wasn't about getting the flu at all, he then figured out. These two were really trying to make something happened between he and Tess. Puck looked over at Tess. What were they expecting? Exactly? Couldn't they just all be friends and get along? He didn't need any benefits.

any time now

2010-10-10T01:15:00.001-05:00

"Were you listening to Jane when she said one of us were bound to get pregnant now." Tess gave Molly a hard glare.

"No." Molly almost choked on the cream cake as she was about to toss it. They were finishing up the celebration now. It was just Tess and Molly. "When did she say that?"

"You just weren't listening." Tess told her poking her in shoulder with her finger. "It'll probably be you, because we know it won't be me."

"Are you serious? You believe her nonsense?" Molly tossed her paper plate and party stuff in the trash. "She's crazy? She named her cat after Malcolm McDowell. She has dreams what she's suppose to eat for breakfast. Believe me, she's crazy."

"Whatever." Tess grabbed her pinkie. "Lets make a pact that neither of us will be anyone's mother."

"I dunno." Molly winced them. "I'm pretty much Sal's Mom, already."

"Yeah, you do baby him more than you should." Tess looked at her that it just might be true.

"But he rubs my feet at night." Molly smiled as if he were perfect.

"Well, I don't have to wait on, anyone." Tess shrugged even if she envied Molly. She knew she wasn't getting anywhere with Puck, and she wasn't trying. Things were good even if she did have an apartment full of crap she knew she had to get rid of.

it couldn't be better timing

2010-10-05T01:20:00.001-05:00

Molly felt giggly with Tess at the potluck. Yes, someone was retiring and it looked as if Tess was getting fulltime now. As it was she was hooking 30 hours a week, but now it would be 40.

Of course, old Miss Jane (as she liked to be called) who never married, mind you, didn't see why neither Molly nor Tess had married yet. She wanted them both to have children.

"Don't be a Freida." She looked at them ominious.

Molly looked at Tess who just cracked up laughing. They were about to try the Boston Cream Cake that a volunteer brought for the celebration.

"What do you mean?" Tess winced with a smile.

"She's running from something." Jane looked over her shoulder at the cold thirty-something year old who was keeping to herself.

Molly grabbed Tess' his hand, as if not to think about Dax. That was over. He hadn't shown his face in weeks now. And Tess seemed perfectly happy rooming with Puck these days.

"How do you know?" Only Jane could find these mysteries.

"You see her with her man?" Jane shot the question as she peaked over her dark rimmed glasses.

Molly shook her head.

"He's like Kevin Smith." Tess smiled. She had seen them, obviously.

"She treats him brutal." Jane took her slice of cake then.

Molly wondered what Jane would have thought of Sal. Things had been on the mend. She guessed. Honestly, she could never really be too sure with him. Wasn't like he was wanting to buy her an engagement ring. Maybe they were all right. She really should consider going out with that so-called Jake Gyllenhaal type at city who won the Safety award, but it just wouldn't be right. Sal was trying.

"She's not very nice to the patrons, or any of us." Tess agreed.

"Well, may we never become a Freida." Molly felt like toasting her diet canned soda then. Were things ever really normal at the library?

its not a new day yet

2010-10-01T01:00:00.038-05:00

Dax was a first that Kramer had really gotten to know. He was off duty, and he thought it might do Dax good to have a descent meal.

"They won't throw you in jail." Kramer said about the library threatening to band him from the place.

Dax just nodded as if he knew he were in trouble. He had done his best the last few months to stay under the radar. He stared at the steaming cup of coffee. He had the evening breakfast special which included sausage and bacon along with fried eggs, hashbrowns and a stack of pancakes.

"What's got you so restless?" Dax had a job down at the meat packing plant. Kramer told him that was a good way to practice his Spanish.

"Uh..uh..girl." Dax finally looked him in the eye.

"We're not talking about jail bait, now are we?" Kramer cut into his eggs benedict then and slid the food off his knife into his mouth. He was a left hander and most thought he was a criminal to begin with. He guessed that was what he saw when he looked at Dax. Everyone thought he was criminal, but he knew Dax just hadn't had a very good start at home. Dax had been in and out of Boystown most of his life. He really didn't have an inkling about family.

"Its just - you know...I thought we had something." Dax took a sip of his coffee then.

"Well, women can be pretty misleading. Its best to just leave this one alone, and move on." Kramer just nodded as he went back to the creamy sauce on the eggs and toasted muffin.

Dax gulped down his coffee and started working on the pancakes.

"Its just- I don't know if I can." Dax told him after he'd finished up the platter of food.

"You've come this far. Don't fuck it up." Kramer gave Dax a glare then.

"Boys, we're not having a moment here, now are we?" The old waitresses butted in to fill their coffee cups. They both gave her a wince.

"Clearly lady, its really none of your business, now is it?" Dax growled back. "Besides, did I ask for anymore of your goddamn coffee?"

"Dax." Kramer gave him a stern look. "Its OK." He looked up at the pudgy woman and thanked her for the coffee. He'd have to make damn sure he paid extra on the tip this time. Didn't want her spitting on his food before she brought it to him.

Kramer knew he had to be the big brother Dax never had. He'd find a way to be family even when his own family didn't want him.

misery loves company, sometimes

2010-09-29T01:22:00.028-05:00

It felt so awkward being here in a very barren room. Everything was so clean. Nothing out of order, just the messy bed that Tess had left. She picked up the pre-paid phone that Puck left. It was as if he was pretty good at keeping her in hiding.

All he'd ask of her was that she not bring all her crap with her. "You think you can get by on just a little bit?" He'd helped her pack what she thought she might need. And she'd left the rest behind.

Her stomach was all topsy- turvy. She was so scared of Dax now. She wasn't really sure what he was capable of. He was sort of like a doberman. Not knowing if he would be loyal or not. She thought she was doing something rather cool when she'd asked him over. Now she thought she was a real nut.

"You're just making bad choices, that's all." Puck had talked her out of her hyperventilating moment, last night after the incident. "You're better than that. I can see it. You just have to see it. All right." He was so straight forward with her. It was so shocking and yet assuring that somehow, she would bounce back. She didn't want Dax to find her now.

She'd had dreams that he took her from work, and she went off into oblivion with him. She could barely breathe now.

"Did he hurt you?" Puck had asked. She told him no. But what if she was wrong? Could she change her mind, now. She squinted hard then as she waited on the phone to hear Molly's voice.

"Did you know he would be here today?" Molly said first thing. It was Molly's lunch break.

"Who?" Tess felt herself slightly shake.

"God, you know who, Tess." Molly's tone was dreadful.

"He asked for me?" Tess hated herself even more.

"Of course, he did? What have you been doing with him, Tess?" Molly wanted to know.

Tess didn't say anything. She nursed her upper lip as tears came. She felt faint, but then she thought of her mother's words. You made your bed now sleep in it.

an ugly truth

2010-09-27T01:59:00.040-05:00

"Are you serious?" Molly couldn't quite understand this with Tess. "You're staying at Puck's?"

"For now. You know, its. I got sick, you know. And, and he's really an OK guy." Molly sensed it was all a lie. She didn't know Puck. What if he slept with everyone? He was so deceiving, Molly thought. Did Sal know he was like this.

"You'll be in tomorrow, then?" Molly knew Tess didn't take sick days.

"Yeah, of course. I just need to, get over this. We drank too much, you know." Tess was still slightly aloof.

"All right. I see." But Molly didn't. She should have really expected this. Who was kidding whom? Molly hadn't meant to start anything for Tess. Why couldn't she just date people, like normal people do. Or was everyone hooking up in a mega second?

Molly hung up then, thinking she was becoming her mother. She knew how her own mother felt about her and Sal. In spite of what her mother thought, she and Sal had been friends an awful long time before they moved in together. He was dating someone at the time they met. She had a high school boyfriend. Then things just sort of evolved. Sal's old girlfriend met someone and moved away. Her boyfriend joined the Navy, and they were just there. Friends. Friends that started hanging out. Before she knew it, Jory was jealous. Michelle did her best to shake things up between them only to leave them closer than before. Then came one fast food job after another. Finally, she landed a shelving position at the library. Sal was her best friend. And he was going to go live in Nashville to see if life was better there, after his last suicide attempt over Michelle. She thought she would never hear from him again, but then she did. He came home more scared because he had finally decided she was the only home he ever wanted.

Molly woke up from her quick flashback to see her arch nemesis standing there at the circulation counter.

"Hey, you working today?" Dax was in a huff.

"Yes." She was going to kill him with kindness. Maybe. "Can I help you?" She gave him a dead stare.

"Yeah, where's Tess?" He was so gruff. It stung Molly that he knew her name. When did he find that out? How did he know her?

"She's not working today." Molly was cold, suddenly.

"She's always here." He gave her a sly look.

"Do you have a computer question?" Molly rechecked in books then. As if she had something to do.

"NO, I WANT TO KNOW WHERE TESS IS." He was bitter.

"I dunno." Molly really didn't know. "You don't need to take that tone with me." She so wanted to pick up the phone and call 911. She thought maybe he should be on a terrorist list, somewhere. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She felt like a robot. She had to stay a robot.

"No, I just need to see Tess. Don't know why you have to keep her from me. Are you in love with her, or something?" He was serious. Molly almost cracked up, but she backed away. She had to find someone to deal with him. Why couldn't he just go away?

whatever might come

2010-09-25T01:45:00.024-05:00

Puck blinked sleep from his eyes. It must have been the longest night ever. Not even the cigarette could give him a buzz to keep him going this afternoon.

"What happened?" Sal gave him a bad ass smile. They were on the roof. It wasn't too bad out. Just overcast. A storm brewing somewhere.

"Not much." Puck yawned. How come he felt a tad feverish now? "I fixed her shower."

"You would. You should just be a plumber or something. You might get more than you do here." Sal shrugged.

Puck nodded, but that didn't seem possible.

"So would you see her again?" Sal wondered.

"Guess so." Puck didn't want to make that much of it. She'd called and he'd came back and now Tess was at his place. He had never seen anyone quite that frightened. Maybe the cops had caught the intruder. He was no where around now. She'd promised it would only be for the night, maybe a day or two. So he'd let her stay in the front room that used to be his sister's room. But he'd tossed and turned the rest of the night, thinking she was a mystery. And who was it that was after her? Was she part of the mob? The drug trade? It worried him that trouble might follow her, but it hadn't. At least not yet.

"You think she's weird, don't you?" Sal winced.

"A bit, but then, aren't we all? Puck noticed how dry his bottom lip was then. "Look, if I tell you, you can't start thinking there is something going on between me and Tess, because there's not." Puck sighed.

"Like what?" Sal looked at him.

"She stayed over last night, cause..cause I guess some dude is-"

"What?"

"I didn't ask, but she's- Tess is pretty nervous about it." She was at his place right now. He hoped she hadn't decided she'd want him to get everything she owned. It was definitely extra baggage he didn't want.

"She OK?" Sal nursed his cigarette then.

"Guess so, but she was shook up-and you know, its just temporary." Puck gave him a glare then. "She's staying in my sister's room. That's all."

"Sure." Sal squinted hard. "Whatever."

another possibility

2010-09-23T13:15:00.017-05:00

Really? What had Tess been expecting from Puck?

She hugged her pillow now. It was dark. Very dark. She was crying and alone. So very alone. He would probably never speak to her. Ever. He probably thought he was too good for her. And she thought he was probably right. Who would want to be here, in this mess?

Her tears were hot. She was making herself sick. What was she going to do with herself? She was one semester away from graduating college with a degree in sociology that was useless, she guessed now. Everything was fucked up. It was amazing she was this normal. Well, it was kind of a happy thought, but not really.

Of course, if Puck had stayed, would it have been any better? She probably wouldn't think this much about him if he'd stayed. She guessed she was warped, that way. She definitely wasn't thinking about Dax. And she wasn't going to think about him. Definitely, not call him. Best to just leave that alone. Nothing to come back too.

No, she'd just think about Puck and how she could get him to come back. Maybe something else needed to be fixed or..she'd just have to think of something.

Just then she heard someone banging at her front door. Tess slightly flinched. She didn't think anyone could get in. She waited. Hoping someone would call the cops. But now he was yelling and she knew exactly who it was. Dax.

Tess remained still. It was quite. She almost drifted off to sleep, but then she heard someone on the fire escape close to her bedroom window. She was wide awake now. Tess reached for her phone and dialed 911.

OK go

2010-09-21T12:59:00.032-05:00

"Good thing we left when we did." Sal told Molly. He saw on the internet that a fight broke out. Someone had caught it all on their phone.

"Yeah, why is it we like that place so much?" Molly hugged herself. Jory hated that place. He always said she should come out with him, but he only wanted to go to gay bars. She was beginning to think they must have been more sophisticated than Rumors.

"Because that's where the real local bands play." Did she not understand that?

Molly rolled her eyes and went to brush her teeth. She wasn't sure she was that fond of local bands. She debated if she should call or text Tess. She would hate to ruin a 'moment'. Maybe they were having one, right now. She rinsed her mouth and found herself smiling.

"You're not drunk, are you?" Sal found her and wrapped his arms around her waist and looked at her in the big bathroom mirror. She was in her white ribbed tank now and pajamma pants. He was just in his boxers.

"Of course, not." She sighed.

"Why didn't you say you wanted to go some place else?" He kissed her cheek.

"I know you like that place." She was even lipped.

"Not that much. I don't have to go there." He shrugged, letting go.

"You are kind of picky." She knew a lot of places he hated. Like the brewery where all the wedding receptions were in the old market. He hated most places in the old market because they were crowded. He hated most crowds. Especially, if it was a mecca of rich people.

"As long as I have you, that's all I need." He held her hand and pulled her along to the bedroom.

"What lifetime movie have you been watching?" Should she be believing him now? First he could have a fit how he could complain about everything and now he was sweet as a gummi bear.

Sal just smile and kissed her then as if he really wanted her to stop questioning him and just relax. Everything was going to be OK. They were definitely better off than any of their friends. And he would just show her tonight that he'd always be there for her.

He took her in. He would not fall asleep on her tonight.

no time like now

2010-09-19T02:02:00.000-05:00

Tess's place was practically a hoarder's paradise. Possibly, not that bad, but it could be. Puck had never seen anything quite like it. At least he could get in the bathroom. He had his tools. He went to work with the shower head. Just as he expected, pretty clogged up. Rust and hard water residue. He had something he could spray on it to loosen up the crusty wet stuff. He took it to the kitchen sink and rinsed it out.

Tess was silent as she bit on a fingernail. He just looked at her wanting to ask her why the place looked like this, but he was sure it was none of his business. Finally, he went back in and screwed on the shower head. It worked perfectly now.

"Can I take a shower?" She was staring at him from the bathroom doorway.

"Its your bathroom." Puck shrugged. He edged by her.

"Well, don't go anywhere, OK?" She played with the shower a bit. He closed the door behind him. He wasn't expecting her to take a shower right now, but whatever. He messed around with the faucet in the kitchen. Took a look at the trash disposal, and tightened up the pipes. There had been a drip under the sink. He wondered if she'd even noticed. He sort of doubted it.

She took a leisure shower. Puck had nothing to do but look in her empty fridge and some of the Real Simple magazines she had stacked in her livingroom along with a huge amount of library books with lines drawn through the barcodes. Puck skimmed through a couple of old books. Mostly classics like Last of the Mahicans and some Jane Austen books.

He heard the blow dryer once the water was cut. He waited some more. It was almost midnight now. Puck yawned. Finally, the bathroom door rattled open and she came to the livingroom barefooted with a towel wrapped around her.

"So what do you think?" She was all smiles. She wanted him to feel her hair so he did a polite touch of the hair on her forehead.

"Really nice." He nodded.

"Its not so oily now." She told him.

"Good." He stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets. "Well, then, guess I better go." He eyed a library book he'd looked at.

"Oh, those are dead." She sighed.

He wondered what else was dead here. Puck definitely wasn't going to wait to find out.

it couldn't be bad

2010-09-17T03:51:00.020-05:00

"OH GOD...I think she likes him." Molly smiled at Sal. They were still moving around on the dance floor but not quite as foolish as some. Actually barely moving, but close. Almost stuck to one another.

"What?" Sal kept saying. Finally, she pulled him off the dance floor and pulled him near the restroom. It wasn't until they got to the women's room that she told him what she thought of Tess and Puck.

"He could really be good for her." Molly was happy.

"Yeah, but she'll rip his heart out. He doesn't need that, Mol." Sal shook his head.

"Maybe it'll different, this time." She had her arm around his neck.

"Wishful thinking." Sal sighed. She held his hand then and they made it back to the table.

"I think we're gonna leave!" Tess nodded as if they'd had enough.

"Already?" winced Sal. He looked at Puck who gave him a shrug. Molly kept smiling. He saw Puck's smile. It was cute. Yeah, he really was a little boy at heart. She knew he liked Tess. She thought that's what all the smiling was about.

Anyway, they were leaving and Molly was ready to go home too. It was hardly 11 p.m. But they needed to get home.

texting

2010-09-15T02:58:00.033-05:00

Tess: do u blv ths sht?

Puck: whts ur prblm?

Tess rolled her eyes. What was she expecting? Superman? OK, goddmamnit, the dude was cute. And he didn't know it, which pleased her even more about Puck.

She licked her very dry lips. And Puck gave her lip balm from his jean's pocket.

Tess: Thnks ;)

She looked the lip balm over. It was fresh. The giving earth it read on the label made from coconut milk. He'd passed another test, and she hadn't even given him one. This was aggravating, she thought.

Tess: cn u look at my shwer?

Puck: Y

Tess: Y not?

Puck: YES

"Oh," Tess smiled then. She took a sip of the watered down drink then. She wondered how long they'd have to stay for this. Really? She just wanted to go home. She looked at Puck who took his drink and watched the band then. She really wished they'd play Never Say Never because if she heard "I might like you better if we slept together" ..Tess just might do it tonight.

getting in the motion

2010-09-13T02:47:00.026-05:00

Sal was waiting outside for them.

"You been out here all night?" Tess was swelled with anger. Sal could tell. He guessed he'd have to show her he wasn't that rotten of a guy.

"Not that long." He showed them the way in the darkness of the red lights streaming about. The music was loud and painful. Molly had vodka and juices waiting for them at a little table. She gave Sal a smile and kissed him which didn't please Tess very well, but it made Puck crack up. Tess gave Puck a festered look as he took the drink. She ripped his ball cap off and out came his dark rich head of hair. She had to play with it as if maybe she could put a show on for Sal. Molly too, who just hugged Sal.

"We should dance?" Molly said as loud as she could in his ear.

"Should we?" He'd have to be drunk first. Or just a little. The place was thick with people, and he really didn't want them to lose the table. So he gave a little Mick Jagger swagger and hoped that would be enough.

"Come on." She pushed him toward the dance floor. He shook his head, knowing he'd regret this, but everyone else was making an ass of themselves here.

Why hadn't he wore his ear plugs. This kind of violent sound could make him old fast. He already felt like an old man. He looked back at Puck and Tess. They were staying put. They'd decided to get out their cell phones. Sal just winced. What the hell were they doing? He then looked at Molly who was doing some moves he didn't know she knew. What in the hell was she doing?

endangered species

2010-09-11T03:55:00.031-05:00

"Why am I doing this, again?" Puck was on his cell with Sal. He'd have better luck with a cat that needed to be shot than with Tess. He could feel it. This was not going to be pleasant. He left the message on Sal's cell and waited on the street for Tess. There was no parking lot where she lived. It was an old place, high above the downtown traffic. He guessed. It looked kind of scary from where he was.

"Sorry my hair looks shitty and all." She was suddenly apologetic as she got in his truck which stunned Puck. "My shower head just gives me bad hair."

"I could take a look at that..if you want." Puck drove on as he knew the way to go, he hoped now. They drove passed the yuppie places to eat. Places where insurance salesman and major management could spend their money on weekends.

She didn't answer. He just watched the street. The less they talked the better this might be. He drove passed the mall where all the gang shootings had happened. It was now shut down. Really, Puck couldn't think this Rumors would be much better than the one shut down. Why in the hell were they putting themselves out there?

"We should have just gone to Stella's. You can play pool there." It wasn't too far from where he lived. It was far from the city, but he usually made good time to work. It wasn't that out of the way.

Tess was hugging her bag as if her life depended on it, or the fact she didn't really want him to get a good look at her. And he wasn't. He was just going to ignore her as much as possible.

"So you think they broke up?" She asked about Sal and Molly then.

"Doesn't really look like it to me." Puck wasn't sure he wanted to know. He was just Sal's friend. Not Molly's.

Tess nodded. "He cheated on her."

"No, he didn't. He just said he did." Puck believed him too. Finally they found the establishment and parked in the gravel parking lot. Tess gave Puck a glare. Really, this was like pulling teeth. It hurt so much to have to get through this, but this was the closest thing he'd had to a date in 7 years.

misdirected

2010-09-09T04:38:00.023-05:00

"Shit." Tess should have known she'd end up at the wrong Rumors. There was plenty of parking at the desolate parking lot. She didn't know where she was going. Fuck this, she thought. She'd just have to have a cigarette and ponder what to do in her car. Just about then a pickup truck pulled up beside her.

Tess' eyes glared at the guy. She hoped her door were locked. Except in her old car the passenger side didn't lock. Naturally he got out and opened the passenger side as if he knew it wouldn't lock.

"You wouldn't be Tess, would you?" His baseball cap hid his eyes.

"Holy shit!" Tess blew smoke at his face. "Who the fuck-" Her heartbeat felt uncontrollable. "Oh, its you. Puck." she didn't smile.

He just nodded.

"You know where this place is?" His grin was cool and he was pretty laid back, but that was all she could make of him.

"Just the bad Rumors, I guess." She shrugged as she finished up her cigarette.

He sat in the passenger seat and called Sal.

"You are so clear on your directions man, where in the hell are you?" Puck sighed. They talked for a while. He got off then and looked at her. "You want to just leave your car at home and you can come with me?"

"What makes you think I want you to know where I live?" She gave him a mean stare that she was easy. Possibly, she hated everyone.

"Just thought-" He looked puzzled and a tad shy as if she'd stomped him out like a used cigarette butt.

"All right." Her tone was dreadful. This was going to be a freaking stupid night. She just knew it. He got back in his truck and followed her home.

diving in

2010-09-07T04:52:00.030-05:00

"Look, we have to be the part tonight." Molly smoothed down Sal's pink track jacket. Actually, it was hers, but he wore it more because he loved pink. Like a lot of her other clothes.

"OK." He sounded good with that. But he was still being fickle. Except he was still calling her Babe and Honey..so maybe they were OK. He hadn't talked about Idaho or any other place. He'd given her the controls to his gaming system. Even boxed up the computer. He was going to go cold turkey. No more staying up for hours on end on some game. But he told her this might get worse before it got better. "I'm trying to conserve energy."

She so wanted to laugh at him because he really did like sleeping in a refrigerated room. Usually, she went to bed in long sleeved PJs.

"What part is that?" He looked at Molly then. about what she'd said about them playing the part.

"Tess thinks we so broke up and she's thinking this is a break-party." Molly smiled.

"Why do you have to tell her everything?" He grabbed his smokes. She knew he would never get far from them. He wouldn't even attempt to stop smoking.

"I don't. She just figures stuff out." Molly locked up and followed him down the stairs to his little black Mustang. It was vintage, but the floor was rusting out from the bad winters. He cranked it up and the Broken Social Disorder tunes soaked the interior with the surround sound stereo system.

"What? She's psychic?" Sal winced.

At least he didn't smoke in the car, but she figured most of the evening he'd be outside smoking instead of inside of the club with her. But they got situated right away. He got them vodka and juice. They wondered around in the crowd a bit. Naturally, no sign of Tess or Puck. Molly looked at her cell for the time. She sent Tess a text to see where she was. But she got nothing. Finally the band began to roar. She just knew this was the start of a miserable night. Sal had already left to smoke a cigarette outside.

say it ain't true

2010-09-05T04:36:00.032-05:00

"I like my life, OK?" Tess stirred up her hot noodles at the afternoon break time. "I don't need fix'n up." She was lucky today. Molly had break time with her which never ever happened.

"Its just Rumors." Molly sounded as if it were nothing.

"I thought they closed down. Wasn't there a shooting or knifing or something?" Tess made a face at the cup of noodles, but she dug in. She'd finally got around to eating something. She'd spent her lunch break with Dax. They'd looked at a mutt he was wanting to get. But it sounded like she'd have to keep him. So she said, no.

"I think you're thinking of the other Rumors." Molly munched on a granola bar with her apple juice.

"There's another one?" Tess glared up at her with her feet on the chair as she leaned back on the couch, trying to find energy for a few more hours. "You know, what I should do, is clean out the fridge."

"God, Tess, you don't want to do anything, anymore." Molly made a face. A weird one. "You just can't get over Grant."

"I'm fucking over.... Grant." Tess was about to lose her appetite.

"But you guys were tight. You know. I thought you'd be married with a kid by now." Molly made it sound so perfect with Tess' ex-fiance. She still had his ring. She didn't throw it off the bridge like she told him when he asked for it back. Obviously, Molly didn't know Grant. No one knew just how vain he was. He only loved himself, and she just wasn't pretty enough for him. And... he'd never know her now. And she was proud of that. She darn sure was. She found herself smiling.

"OK, lets fucking do this." She swallowed a noodle then.

"You have to watch your language." Molly gave her a stern look.

"Around that dude who's name rhymes with the F word?" Tess winced.

"No. Here. You, dufus." Molly got up then. Break time was over and Tess was still left with a lot of noodles.

picking up the sword

2010-09-03T01:55:00.004-05:00

"Jesus." Sal flung his cigarette off the top of the building as he pushed his phone back in his jacket. He was on a smoke break with Puck who was in maintenance. They usually talked about cars. Not much else. Sometimes bands. They did find out they'd dated the same girl in high school. Of course, Sal had gone out with Shelly once while Puck had dated her his whole Freshman year when she was a senior. Sal sometimes wondered if they even knew the same girl. The downside was, Puck had never gone out with anyone since.

"Huh?" Puck looked at him then who was still smoking.

"Its this thing, my girl wants me to do. I guess I better do it, cause, we might be on the outs if I don't." Sal said all sleepy as he shoved his thin hands in his smooth black suit jacket he wore over a slim V neck white T. He looked down to make sure there were no ashes on his black pants. He yawned once more looking at his black high tops. He was semi-professional. Of course, he worked in the basement and no one saw him but Puck, anyway.

"Like what? You gotta buy her tampons or something?" Puck looked slightly sullen, but not exactly arrogant as he winced at Sal.

"No." Sal slightly shook his head. "She wants me to find her co-worker a date. Tonight."

"Is she pretty?" Puck asked.

"I dunno. Hadn't seen her in..in a very long while." Sal shrugged.

"I like geeky girls." Puck explained as he blew smoke into the breeze.

"She works at the library." Sal's thin shoulders pulled in from the cold.

"Cool." Puck nodded. "Do I have to dress up?"

"Well." Sal had to think on it. It would probably be a dark place they'd go. "Casual's fine."

"I dunno. I don't really date." Puck looked sad.

"How long has it been?" Sal squinted.

"I stopped counting the years." Puck sighed.

"Well, its your lucky day, Puck." Sal gritted a smile and gave Puck a slight slap on the shoulder.

"Ow. You're really scaring the shit out of me, Sal." Puck put his cigarette out.

"Meet us at Rumors, nine o'clock sharp." Sal decided.

"Why so late?" Puck looked confused.

"That's not late." Sal almost laughed.

"But that's when I go to bed." Puck told him.

"Not tonight." Sal gave him a cool smile as if he just might be a matchmaker.

getting unstuck

2010-09-01T01:44:00.028-05:00

Well, Tess had stopped in her tracks. Molly thought that was kind of funny, but then she noticed who she was looking at. Even more so, Molly saw how he was looking at Tess.

Molly so wanted to say What's going on here? But she didn't. She knew. She very well knew what was going on. Molly winced, maybe scowled. This was going to be so uncomfortable. She went straight to the breakroom to sit down. She couldn't possibly think with that guy around. The one who had been so rude to tell her that she'd been so rude. When in fact, he wanted things from the computer lab that just weren't possible. For starters, those computers for the public didn't even have sound cards.

Molly nursed her lip. She grabbed her cell. She couldn't think of anyone to call but Sal

"What's up?" He picked up on the first ring.

"I've been thinking, we should find someone for Tess." She told him.

"Like what? A cat. She doesn't seem like a dog person, but maybe she really is." At least he wasn't being to awful about her. They rarely got along.

"No." She sighed. "A person. A guy. She-she needs a boyfriend."

"This isn't like making instant mashed potatoes, you know." He reminded her. "She hates everything, doesn't she?"

"You must know someone." Molly pushed on.

"Why is this so important? Now? I mean-"

"What? You mean us? We're perfectly fine." Everything took him an eternity to do. Practically. Except for cooking and sex. Another thing, she would not mention to Tess. Molly was still irritated that Tess wanted to know if she and Sal were still having sex. "We're not staying home tonight. We're not. We need a date." It sounded like an ultimatum. But they needed to go out instead of staying in all the time.

never a wrong answer

2010-08-30T22:34:00.032-05:00

"So?" Tess looked Molly over as if she might find some scars. But Molly looked really cute in her plaid kilt and Death Cab for Cutie T. Her gold knee socks were just spectacular.

Of course, Tess wasn't sure about herself. Had Tess even combed her own hair this morning? She'd munched on a couple of crackers before she got to work in something that could have been gray sweat pants and a hoodie. She hoped no one noticed she wasn't following the dress code today. "So are you sleeping with him?" Tess winced.

Molly just shrugged as she looked through the Christmas music inventory in the back room.

"What about Sex? You are total not gonna, right?" Tess wanted to know.

"Look, he needs to go to the dentist." Molly told her.

"What does that have to do with sex?" Tess said out loud then wondered who was listening. She looked through CDs as if she knew what she was doing back here.

"Nothing." Molly looked at her. "I think if he felt better, then you know, he'd feel better." Molly stressed with her hands and clipboard.

"So you made up?" Tess asked.

"I dunno. Why don't we talk about you?" Molly asked.

"Nothing to talk about." Tess gave her a stare.

"Don't you watch TV or something?" Molly questioned.

"I don't have a TV. If I did, I couldn't pick up a reception. I guess. I have You Tube." She admitted.

"That should take care of all your needs." Molly sighed as she was putting the music in order by artists.

"It does. It really does." Tess nodded.

"We should go out some time. You know, are you seeing anyone? We could all go to a club or something." Molly smiled.

"I'd be like a third wheel. You know, really I'm not seeing anyone." Tess might have faked her smile. Just then she looked up and saw that fellow Molly hated so much at the counter.

no exit

2010-08-27T01:11:00.050-05:00

Sal came out of the bathroom as soon as Jory left. He looked at the scrambled eggs on Molly's plate and took them to the trash.

"I'll make you something." He barely said.

"You don't have to." She sucked in a breath. He kept his back to her and looked in the fridge for anything that might resemble food. There was bacon, tomato and lettuce. He'd do a BLT. Sal worked the next 20 minutes are so on dinner.

"So what's going on?" She glared at him when he handed her the plate with the bacon sandwich and a dill pickle wedge on the side.

"I'm sorry." He barely got out as he hugged himself. "I just-I just have a lot on my mind. You know, Idaho."

"I thought it was Seattle?" She broke a piece of bacon to eat.

"You know how you hate your job. And mines so fucking miserable, we could just-" Sal nursed his bottom lip.

"That's just a dream." Molly winced.

He went to get some milk.

"OK." He sighed as he poured them each a glass and squirted some chocolate syrup in each. "You. Are. Right." He stirred up the milk. Finally, cut the sandwich in half. They always shared when they went out. They would order for one with an extra drink. Molly faintly smiled when he took his half. "God, Michelle's pregnant." He quickly said before he bit into his part of the sandwich. He only did it so he wouldn't have to say anything more.

"And? What does she want from you? She always wants something from you." Molly glared at him.

"Look, you know-" He'd lost his appetite. "I don't want to have anything to do with her. I don't. And-and that's why I need to leave."

Molly looked at the ceiling. She finally took a sip of her chocolate milk.

"Its not mine. Its not." He was going eat his half of the sandwich or else. He was not going to let Michelle control his life like this. They were quiet then. Molly finally managed her half of the sandwich then. Finally, he cleaned up. She dried the dishes.

"What? No WOW tonight?" She gave him a dead stare. Sal just shrugged.

"Is she calling you?" Molly wanted to know. He shook his head, no. Sal scratched the back of his head and went to read a book on the couch. He was reading Crime and Punishment. He never could seem to get through it, but he wondered now if the book held some secret meaning. Maybe he'd find out.